


And What is Your Name, History Teacher?

by InsecurelyPerfect



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Feels, Hesitation, High School AU, Insecure Ryan, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Teacher X Teacher, Teacher/Teacher relationship, also lowkey sweet, and a game, but mostly assholes, gay boys, gay relationship, im not a fuCKING new guy, its a problem, lmao who needs illegality, lowkey homophobia, no smut just slutty thoughts, ryan doesnt know shanes name, ryan teaches biology, shane teaches history, shane tries to tell him it'll be okay, slow acceptance, slowburn, teacher!au, teacher!ryan, teacher!shane, thank you for reading it, their students are collectively assholes, they all follow shanes plan, this is actually some of my best work, this is like a little dirty, whos the new teacher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2020-06-26 05:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19761322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsecurelyPerfect/pseuds/InsecurelyPerfect
Summary: Ryan teaches biology and Shane teaches history, but Ryan doesn't know Shane's name and will do nearly anything to figure out what it is.  In the meanwhile, he messes around with Shane's class and goes major gay for him.  Ryan is not new, despite what everyone thinks.





	1. Chapter 1

One thing that Ryan wished everyone knew was the fact that he was not, in fact, new. Ryan was just so young that everyone thought he was, but he had been teaching at the school for four years. He knew he looked young, but there got to be a point where it was just annoying, everyone thinking you're a student. He was usually able to let it just roll off his back, but he was so confused as to why it hurt so damn much when that fucking history teacher thought he was new. His science was an art form, not a fucking joke.

He had been eyeing that history teacher, Madej or something, for a couple of days now. He would very much like to take him over a desk. He blushed furiously as he blew on his coffee. To Ryan's dismay, Madej had noticed his staring.

"Hey, new guy." Ryan's eyes fluttered shut, mentally preparing himself for the conversation he was going to have, or rather, trying to keep himself calm.

"I'm not new," Ryan stated as cooly as possible. "I've been here for years."

Madej dismissed that. "Yeah, yeah, anyways," he said, situating himself on the countertop, unwrapping his daily blueberry muffin. Ryan tried not to gape at him. His thighs were very muscular and his chinos were tight in all the places Ryan had spent the most time speculating about. It didn't help that his, uh, package -- Ryan cleared his throat -- was prominent. "So, I noticed on your briefcase you have lots of, uh, stickers, for lack of a better term."

Oh, that was all he wanted to bring up? Ryan allowed his tensity to deflate. He swallowed, bringing his mug up to his away from his lips. He perked up rather noticeably. He was quite proud of his briefcase. "Why, yes. I love how it turned out."

Madej's (Ryan supposed he should probably make an attempt to learn his first name at some point) lips pursed and he took a quick bite of his muffin. "Mm... what subject do you teach?"

This conversation took an interesting turn. Ryan had set down his mug and crossed his arms. He crossed his legs as well. He was fully invested in the conversation, trying to figure out where it was going. "I teach science -- biology to be specific. Now, I know you teach history, though what kind, I'm not sure." Ryan paused for a moment before adding, "Mr. Madej."

The whole energy shifted and Madej hopped down from the top of the counter. "I sincerely hope that you don't teach your students that ghosts are real. That's just complete bullshit."

Ryan couldn't help himself. He scoffed. "Excuse me, but ghosts aren't bullshit. I mean, I'm not bringing it up in class and claiming anything's real because that's just unprofessional; time and place, but I absolutely believe in it."

"They go against science! You're a science teacher -- how could you possibly believe in ghosts?"

Ryan smirked, an idea sparking in his mind. "This you prep block?"

"I have to admit that I'm a little afraid to say, but yeah, this is my prep block."

"What room are you in?"

"Oh, no. No, no, no. You're not going to ruin the aesthetic of my room..."

"Bergara," Ryan offered.

"You're not fucking up the chillness of my classroom, Bergara!"

"Oh, you curse! I'm shocked. Anyways, what the fuck kind of aesthetic could you possibly have that you're so worried about someone fucking up?"

Madej winked slyly. "You'll find out in room A213."

Ryan smiled. Now he had a room to take Madej in.

-

There was a class going on the next day when he went to go and visit A213. Not that Ryan was surprised, he was happy to see that there were students. He opened the door and walked straight up to the blackboard. Of course, Madej would use chalk, what a nerd. Ryan continued, despite Madej's protests. He simply looked over his shoulder as he wrote: "Madej is a skeptic." He patted his fellow teacher's back before he went to make his way out.

"I'm surprised your students are even awake!"

"Bergara! Get back here! This is entirely unacceptable!"

Ryan sucked in the air and tapped his watch-less wrist. "Sorry, I have a class to teach. You should honestly be teaching, too. I cannot believe you are slacking off," Ryan said in a mock shock voice, gasping loudly and placing his hand on his chest. With that, Ryan popped out of the class, leaving Madej to clean up the messed up notes on the board. Actually, that's a lie. He popped his head back in once more, capturing the junior's eyes. "You're right, wouldn't want anyone fucking up your weird aesthetic, the one I don't happen to see, by the way?" This time, Madej was left with his mouth wide open and his class chattering loudly.

-

Later that night, Shane suspected he would have texted Ryan about it, had he actually had Ryan's number, but he did not, so he was left to fume alone. It had taken him so long to calm his class down and get them back under his reigns.

Three hours of grading and Grey's Anatomy. That had mostly calmed him down, but he was still annoyed, so he grabbed a beer and practiced exactly how he would confront Ryan the next morning. Needless to say, he did not sleep well.


	2. Chapter 2

Needless to say, Ryan had been expecting to be yelled at by Madej on Tuesday morning, but not about the shenanigans that Ryan pulled. Yet here they were, Madej, red in the face from fury, screaming about how Ryan needed to be more careful before he got both of them in trouble. Though, to say that Ryan didn't really care was a bit of an understatement. He was calmly sipping on his (to everyone else) overly sweetened coffee, but for him, it was just right, while stealing pieces of Madej's key lime muffin.

"Bro," he mumbled, "it ain't that deep." He had partially said it as a joke, but he saw something snap deep within Madej. His negative energy radiated off of his body and Ryan was certain if it were gamma rays and not an emotion, he would have turned into the Hulk.

Madej's locked jaw and strong eyes that bored into Ryan's chest said it all. Ryan allowed his gaze to drop down to where he could see just how white Madej's knuckles were. They were usually white, but the force he had been using to grip the edge of the countertop was nothing like Ryan had ever seen before. It created a Casper the Ghost like grip. Ryan's eyes widened and he figured that his strength would give Ryan's muscles a run for their money.

The sheer amount of anger Madej had radiating off of him was nothing compared to what he likely had bottled up. Thinking as quickly as he could, Ryan attempted to diffuse the situation. "So," he took a huge gulp. "I know your last name is Madej, but what about your first name? I couldn't find it anywhere."

Madej's only response was a glare that made Ryan feel guilty for things he did in high school that no one, not even his mother, knew about.

A quiet feminine laugh perked up, temporarily disarming the boys' arsenals with a distraction. Upon realizing they were looking at her, she was quick to explain. "Then you didn't look very hard. His name is everywhere. He's very proud of all of his work."

Madej's face relaxed. Must've been what he wanted to say to Ryan if he hadn't been so hellbent on ignoring him.

Ryan let out a soft chuckle and self consciously took the last remaining sips of his coffee. He allowed his mind to wander. He wondered what else Madej would have wanted to say to him, had they been alone.

While Madej was calmer, Ryan took that moment to apologize. "Hey, I'm sorry."

Madej searched Ryan's eyes, probably looking for something that would disprove his sincerity. 

"Why are you all of a sudden sorry now?"

"It's not just now. I felt bad after I ruined your class and I would have texted you, but, you know, I don't have your number." A pink color coated Ryan's face.

A smirk made its way onto Madej's face. "I can fix that. Here, give me your phone." He stuck his hand out.

Ryan bit his lip but handed over the slim electronic device.

Madej's face was still facing the screen, but his eyes flicked up to look at the man across from him. "Ry, buddy, I can't do anything with your phone if you don't put in some passwords."

A high pitched, embarrassed chuckle erupted from Ryan's chest and he scratched the back of his neck as his finger lingered on the home button. Madej was quick to snatch the phone back, gaining all of the power to Ryan's life. It wasn't like Ryan really had a lot to hide -- just some vents to some friends about Madej -- and his "calm down" apps (the apps he used at night to just relax or to distract him when he got angry). In fact, if he were being totally honest, he was thrilled to finally be getting Madej's number, and maybe even getting his first name.

Madej handed Ryan his phone back and Ryan visibly deflated. The name was blank. Just a space in where the first name belonged and in the last name read "Madej." He scrolled down further to see that Madej had filled in "Ry, you'll have to look harder for my name if you really want it" paired with a winky face in the notes section.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I hate you." His tone was joking and he could tell Madej knew it by the way he elbowed Ryan gently in the ribs.

"Okay, so obviously, I don't know your name, though I was trying to hide that fact," he muttered. "But I'm curious, how did you figure out mine?"

Madej had stopped laughing. The glint in his eyes suggested he wanted to do otherwise. "You're not serious, are you?" Ryan's bottom lip disappeared into his mouth. He couldn't meet the other man's eyes as he started fiddling with the hem of his shirt with sharp, jagged movements. "Ryan, we have a mailing list. Just check yours."

His hand shot to the back of his neck as he swirled the baby hairs at the nape of his neck. "Yeah, see, one of my students covered over your name. Must have been one of yours, too. Have you told any of your students about our weird little thing?"

Instead of replying, Madej shrugged and that stupid fucking smirk Ryan hated oh so very much took its familiar place on his lips. "Well, I guess you'll just never know what my name is then." He started collecting his bags and papers once more.

"Wait!" Ryan called. It was much louder than he had intended and all of the teachers were staring at him. He clapped his hands over his mouth. Madej's eyebrow was raised, his bag over one shoulder, as he made his way back over to Ryan.

"Yes?" Madej chuckled.

"Um, maybe you could, uh... you know, shoot me an email sometime?" Ryan was scared he mimicked the look of a fire truck.

"Now, what business would I have doing that? Good luck, Bergara, but now I must scoot. We're doing the French Revolution today."

With that, Madej's back was turned to Ryan and he was running out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan was going to get to the bottom of Madej's name if it killed him. Since getting to know him, Ryan had also learned Madej's schedule. That included knowing Madej had a class when Ryan had a free period.

They had started the Vietnam War when Ryan waltzed in, all smug like. He was sipping on his coffee. For the first time, Madej was actually happy to see Ryan, which only slightly confused Ryan. Surely the famously Pissed At Ryan Bergara Madej wasn't... smiling at him. He was dreaming. Though, it made him inexplicably happy to think that his favorite history teacher was actually excited to see him. So happy, in fact, that his heart was now warm, fuzzy, and racing. He shook away the thought.

"Ah! Bergara! Just the man I was looking for."

"You were?"

"No, not you specifically, but you're here."

"Hm, yeah, that's true, but how were you looking for me, you were in the classroom."

"Bergara, you can drop the act. I saw you comparing our schedules. I knew it was only a matter of time before you dropped in. Now, Ryan, will you watch them for a little while while I grab some worksheets from my desk? Great, thanks!"

Ryan didn't have the chance to respond before Madej was already out the door. The students were just staring at Ryan and he felt helpless.

"So, your teacher's a big nerd, huh?"

Carrie Smith in the front row cleared her throat. "Mr. Bergara, what do you know about the Vietnam War?"

Ryan shoved his hands down the front pockets of his bright white lab coat and turned away from the students. He mumbled something incoherently. "Do you guys happen to know what your teacher's first name is?"

A couple of students lost interest in the odd actions of a random teacher they don't even have. "Um, why do you want to know so badly?" another student piped up. Ryan didn't recognize the student, but he didn't mind the question.

"Because," he said with great conviction, "Mr. Madej is being a little shit and it's not bad for me to want to know his name, though he is acting like it would be the end of the world if I found out." Ryan wasn't paying any attention to what the students were doing. He kept an eye on the tchotchkes that Madej kept on his desk.

What he found included the following: a glass apple paperweight, a jar of pens and pencils, several differently sized books, and a stack of graded essays. He didn't have many pictures on his desk of family or otherwise. That struck Ryan as a bit weird, but he was willing to let it go. Nothing he saw on the desk gave away anything that hinted as Madej's first name.

"Well, you know that he instructed all of his classes not to tell you what his name is, right?" The new voice that spoke up was one that Ryan hadn't heard before, but it also sounded disinterested.

"Now why would he do that?"

"Oh, my God, can you guys please just, like, screw already and stop bothering us with your stupid shit?"

"Excuse me, but what's your name?"

"Uh, Frankie. Why?"

"Right, well, Frankie, you have no right to talk like this to a teacher, so I'm either going to need a last name to write you up or for you to be quiet so you don't get yourself into more trouble." As Ryan was in the middle of reprimanding the student, Madej walked in.

"Oh, you asked them what my name was and Frankie here gave you some snark?"

Ryan's chest got hot. "Yeah, so what?"

"Ry, you're going to honestly have to try harder than that to figure out my name. This is like child's play for me. It's getting rather boring." Madej walked around him to start passing out papers to his students. "So we talked about Ho Chi Minh, we're now going to talk about the effect that broadcasting the war had on Americans and America with the war."

Ryan just stood off to the side, watching Madej as he went back to teaching. Madej must have felt Ryan's eyes on his back because he turned around, an eyebrow cocked. "Do you have something you would like to either contribute to the class or to say to me?"

"N-no, I don't," Ryan mumbled under his breath.

"Then I highly suggest you stop disrupting my students further. Thank you, then we can talk about this later."

Ryan sighed and left without saying another word. He knew he was annoying and rude, but he just wanted to know Madej's name, though he wasn't sure why his chest hurt so much every time he saw Madej. He felt like it was some sort of weird threat that his body was posing against himself.

Besides, he had a class he needed to get to anyways. He balled his fists in the pockets of his lab coat in hopes that his heart would stop racing.

-

The end of the day was a whole new level of anger that Ryan had never felt from Madej before. Madej clearly didn't want to discuss anything in the cheerful manner that he and Ryan usually spoke in. In fact, he didn't even really talk to Ryan at all. he just bumped into Ryan's shoulder with more force than Ryan had been expecting.

"Do not text me tonight," Madej said in a rough voice. Ryan could feel his breath getting caught in his throat.

Ryan decided it would be better if he just heeded Madej's orders for once and tried to make it up to him the next day when he'd cooled down. All Ryan did to show he heard Madej was giving him a thumbs up and continued packing his bag.


	4. Chapter 4

The night had been rough for Ryan. Well, the past four days had been difficult for him. Madej was still ignoring him, but it wasn't just him. Most of his students were, too, and so were most of the other teachers. Everyone was speaking to him as little as they could. Ryan didn't do anything that bad, so he didn't know why everyone was overreacting to everything, but it was starting to get to him.

He came into work the following week, not having gotten any sleep, nor had he spoken to Madej in several days. He could feel Satan pulling his eye bags into the last circle of hell, promising him eternal damnation for the rest of his life solely for pissing Madej off that much.

Ryan dropped his bag off at his desk and he walked over to the counter where the two of them usually sat together. He sighed sadly and set down the muffin he brought for Madej. Madej always brought a different type of muffin every day for work. Ryan recalled one time when he said he was having a hard time finding a raspberry lemon one, the one he had always wanted to try, so Ryan put everything he could into making a raspberry lemon muffin for his colleague.

He hoped it would be enough for Madej to forgive him. Truth be told, he didn't hold out much hope for Madej forgiving him, because he knew how Madej didn't like his class being messed with, and he had already done it several times, but he hoped that if he was sorry enough, Madej would be able to see that. It wasn't so much that he felt like he needed Madej to forgive him, it was more than Ryan wanted Madej to see how much he cared about him.

They were, after all, friends. Ryan had grown to care for the man, even if he didn't know his first name. He was going to try even harder to figure out what Madej's name as if it meant proving he cared for the man and truly valued him as a person.

Some of the other teachers were starting to walk in after he set it down, so he ran away from the counter after he left his note, saying that it was for Madej so that no one else would steal it when it didn't belong to them. Why bring more attention than it was worth to the fact that he took the effort to make the muffins he knew his angry colleague had wanted the most in the world, even if it meant that he hadn't slept all night?

He sat back and just watched Madej walk over to the abandoned muffin on the counter. Madej examined it as if he was going to die of poisoning if he got too close. Ryan rolled his eyes. Madej was the biggest doofus Ryan knew. He sniffed it. It took everything in Ryan not to laugh at how ridiculously he was acting.

"It's not going to kill you, you know?"

Madej whipped around eyes blazing. "And how would you know?"

"Um," _shit._ He didn't think about that. "I don't." Ryan could feel the tips of his ears burning. As Madej stalked over to him suspiciously, Ryan's mind was reeling trying to think of an answer. 

"Well," Madej said smugly, crossing his arms because he _knew_ he had caught Ryan in the middle of a lie, "You must have some basis of information to make that statement, or was that just a... hypothesis?"

Even Ryan rolled his eyes when Madej said that. Ryan was a big pun guy himself, but that was overly cheesy and not something he had wanted to ever hear ever again. He couldn't be sure because hearing Madej use a pun shook him up so much, but Ryan thought he even physically cringed. "Your science puns are lost on me, history geek. And no, it's not a theory I have."

"Well, then, again, how can you be sure that this muffin isn't going to be used to hurt me in any way?" Madej was holding his hands behind his back. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, curiosity nipping at the edges of his brain, making him wonder what Ryan could have possibly been referring to.

Ryan's cheeks burned scarlet. "B-because," he stuttered, "I may have..." He trailed off, unsure of how honest to be in that moment.

Madej took a step closer and they were only ten feet away. That wasn't a lot of space between the two of them and Ryan could feel his breath caught in his throat. "I'm sorry, what was that? You want to speak up a little bit more?"

Ryan swallowed his pride and made direct eye contact with Shane's impossibly chocolate brown eyes that made Ryan feel weak every time he made contact with them. "I -- I made it. I made that raspberry lemon muffin for you because you said that you wanted to try one and it was the one kind of muffin that you couldn't find anywhere, no matter how hard you looked for it."

That had clearly not been the response that Madej was expecting because all the color drained from his face, leaving the already ghostly pale man even paler than before. His eyes held so many conflicting emotions that Ryan couldn't read what the man was thinking and in a way, that was scarier. Madej had always been pretty direct and upfront about everything he was feeling, so him being unreadable was terrifying to Ryan.

Madej let out a small noise of approval and walked over to the counter where the muffin sat, still untouched from when Ryan placed it down. He picked it up and walked back over to the table where Ryan was sitting while he graded papers. He unwrapped it so slowly that Ryan briefly confused Madej with Internet Explorer. Just before Madej took a bite, Ryan looked away, afraid of how he was going to react, not wanting to see what he thought of it. When Ryan looked back up, the muffin was gone and he couldn't read the face Madej was giving him. Neither of them said anything. Ryan continued grading papers and Madej kept reading the article he had thrown himself into.

-

The rest of the day, Ryan hadn't heard anything from Madej. He had gone out of his way to not respond to Ryan in the slightest. If he were being honest, it was worrying him quite a bit, but it was a good thing he wasn't being honest, huh? The absolute last thing that he would do is be honest about how he was feeling about Madej.

Though it was ten o'clock at night and everything in his mind was urging him to text Madej, asking what he thought of the muffins that Ryan made, anxious for a reply, but he didn't. He wanted to wait until Madej messaged him first, so not to screw up anything further. He didn't want to try and force anything on Madej, everything had to be on Madej's terms. So in the meantime, Ryan would just let his brain explode, but try to act like it wasn't by shoving all of his thoughts to the side with Bob Ross paintings.

That was until a text notification popped up on his phone.

**From Madej:**

_Shane._

Ryan stared at his phone in confusion. _Shane? What the hell did that mean?_ Ryan reached for his phone to ask when a second text popped up almost right under it.

**From Madej:  
**

_That's my first name, by the way._

_Huh. His name is Shane? That's... actually really fitting._ Ryan smiled. He took that as a truce. Why else would _Shane_ text him? He took this newfound information and changed Madej's contact name. And then another text popped up on his screen.

**From Shane:**

_By the way, those muffins were the most delicious thing I have_ ever _had in my life, please_ please _tell me you have more?_

Ryan chuckled to himself before opening up a new text message. He was thankful that Shane found it in his heart to forgive Ryan enough to tell him his name.


	5. Chapter 5

When Ryan walked into the teacher's lounge the next morning, he spotted Madej -- Shane -- sitting at their usual table, his head down. Ryan loudly plopped his bag on the table next to him. "Shane," Ryan greeted pointedly, a stupid grin plastered on his face showing off all of his teeth.

Shane looked up at him and Ryan could see how tired the man was. His eyes were red and the bags under his eyes indicated that he hadn't been getting much sleep. Ryan would have been lying if he said he wasn't worried about it. He didn't know how to bring it up, so he pulled two raspberry lemon muffins out of his bag. "Hey, bud, you want this?"

A look of hope sparked in Shane's eyes. "Oh, my God, yes, please, thank you. I'm fucking starving." 

"You not get enough sleep last night?"

"Nope. I've been grading a whole bunch of shitty essays. I swear, it's like these kids don't fucking pay attention in their English classes."

Ryan smirked. "Oh, man, I am so glad that I teach bio." He chuckled lightly and Shane grabbed at the bag of muffins ravenously.

"Why?" Shane asked with a mouth full of raspberry lemon muffin. "Don't you give your students essays?"

"What? No, they're busy learning about the mitochondria's and evolution, not writing stupid essays," Ryan said casually, leaning back in his chair and linking his hands behind his head.

"Oh, well, we have a ton of essays in history, a lot of them are in fact opinion based because, you know, people interpret things differently and what could have the US done better in their handling of the Vietnam war and stuff, you know?"

Ryan nodded, he was so wrapped up in how warm Shane's voice felt now that he wasn't angry at Ryan, or at least, not as angry as he was before. Ryan couldn't say with full certainty that Shane wasn't mad at him, but he would take what he could get. "Would I be able to sit in on one of your classes one day?"

The question must have been a little bit out of the blue because there was a look of surprise on Shane's face. "Why? So you can disrupt my entire class again? I don't think so."

"No, I mean, actually sit in, pretend I'm a student. I've always kind of found history a little bit interesting, especially unsolved murders and stuff, and I wanted to take a history course when I was in college, but it didn't fit in with what I wanted to do, so I ultimately dropped the class," Ryan said, pulling out his own stack of papers to grade. The most recent test that his students had taken. He always noticed that people started dwindling when they got to the parts of the cell. When he was in high school, he didn't think it was the easiest thing to do ever, either, but that didn't all of a sudden mean that he would stop trying like most of his students.

He wished there was some way that he would be able to help them get through it. That they would come to him for help. He had started his grading process the night before after Shane had texted him, and barely getting through one class, he had six F's, seven D's, a lot of C's, and one A. He sighed. This was going to be a long process.

"You okay there?" Shane inquired, raising an eyebrow at the man across from him.

"Yeah, I just wish my students would come to me if they need help. That's what I'm there for. I try to make myself seem as not as scary as possible so that way they'll come to me if they need help with anything." He shook his head, "but it doesn't seem to be working."

Shane cupped his own chin. "How about I sit in on one of your classes and try to see if I can see where the problem is going wrong?"

Taking a moment to consider what Shane said, Ryan smiled. That would be a good idea, getting an opinion from someone who was more experienced than he was. If Shane was able to help him identify the problem, then maybe his students wouldn't show such fear when it came to getting help from him. "Yeah, I think I would like that, but if my students try to ask you for help, don't say I didn't warn you now." He graded another page, allowing the silence to wash over them as Shane stopped laughing at what he'd said. "And... thank you for offering to help me, it really means a lot."

Immediately after thanking Shane, Ryan went right back to grading his papers again and wouldn't look Shane in the eye. To fix that problem, Shane spoke. "Of course, it's not a problem," he faltered for a moment before saying, "new guy."

Ryan was so shocked to have heard what Shane said that he accidentally dragged his red pen across the entire page he graded. Crap, now he was going to have to explain that to the student... ugh. His eyes were wide as he made eye contact with Shane. At the same time that he looked up, he also noticed that the entire room had gotten quiet. He looked at Shane and could have sworn he saw little devil horns poking up out of his head. "I... am not the FUCKING NEW GUY, SHANE!" 

A couple of the female teachers who were minding their own business (for the most part) and just lesson planning gasped as they heard Ryan's outburst. Shane smirked. "Whatever you say, buddy." 

With that, Shane stood up and patted Ryan on the shoulder before exiting, leaving Ryan fuming and his coworkers staring at him with fear lit fires in their eyes.

-

The next time that Ryan saw Shane was a couple of hours later at lunch when they both had an off period. Ryan would be lying if he said he wasn't still frustrated with Shane for saying that Ryan was a new teacher. It was always frustrating when someone called Ryan new, but it especially upset him when it was Shane who said that he was new. He thought it had something to do with the additional nervous feeling he got any time he was around Shane.

The feeling was new and a process to learn, and it was certainly a lot newer than anything he had felt before. It popped up so slowly and subtly that he had a hard time seeing the difference between how he normally felt around Shane and now, but he noticed that he was a lot more nervous around Shane that he had ever been before like he had to impress him or something. It was a new feeling that Ryan was not used to.

He knew what crushes felt like. Ryan had crushes on plenty of guys before, but never on someone he actually considered to be a friend. That just wasn't how Ryan did things. He always thought that the worst thing he could do was have a crush on one of his friends and it was always an even worse thought if the friend was a colleague. 

However, as much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn't just ignore the way his hands got all clammy and how he felt like he was going to vomit up a farm of cocoons ready to hatch any second every single time he spoke to Shane, even before knowing his name. He supposed the feeling was always there, but now, during their lunch, it was the most prominent it had ever been. And despite the evidence, Ryan did everything in his power to rationalize with himself so that he knew he didn't like the history teacher.

Shane must have noticed how awkwardly Ryan was staring at him because he shot several questioning glances Ryan's way. Ryan allowed an awkward, half-smile to brush over his lips as the nerves began to take control over his entire body.

"You good there, buddy?"

Ryan nodded, his words caught in his throat. He cleared it. "Huh? Uh, yeah, no, I'm fine. You?"

Shane smirked at him. "Well, I was looking at our schedules and figured out that I have a free block right after lunch while you're teaching a class, are you okay if I drop in then to see how you're doing and see if there's anything I can help you fix?"

Ryan suddenly felt very self-conscious and adjusted the way he was sitting. He used his long white lab coat to cover more of his body. "Uh, yeah, that sounds good to me." He smiled insecurely, taking a bite of the tomato sandwich that was in front of him.

"Are you okay dude? You seem really tense right now." Shane looked at Ryan, concern etched into his facial features. It was cute how his eyebrows always seemed to knit together, whether Shane was really concerned or not. The small frown plastered on his mouth was a cute look on him and Ryan wouldn't have minded if he was it more. As that thought crossed his mind, Ryan started to choke on his food. No, no, no, he was not going to start thinking about his colleague like that. Absolutely not. NOt a chance in hell was he attracted to that damned History teacher.

"Yeah, mhm, I'm fine," Ryan said through a muffled mouth. 

Shane stood up and gave Ryan a harsh pat on the back. "Great, well, I'll see you in a few at your classroom to observe." He left rather abruptly, leaving Ryan to question his pounding heart alone.

-

It wasn't hard to find Shane after lunch had been over. He was standing outside of Ryan's door the way most of the students of the school sat waiting for their teachers to arrive to class. He was mixed in with a bunch of the students, though, and that was a bit of a shock for Ryan, but not so much that it left him wondering where the man was. After all, he was so tall that Ryan would have been able to pick him out of a line up of giraffes based on height alone.

Shane's right foot was against the door, as well as his back, which was pressed up against the wood. His hair was hanging over his face as his nose was buried in the bright glow of his phone. He appeared to be reading something. Normally, Ryan would have just opened the door anyway, but the man was pressed upright against the handle, so Ryan had no way of getting in without asking Shane to move, so he cleared his throat. Shane appeared to be shocked by that and not expecting Ryan to be there.

When Shane still didn't move, that was when Ryan opened his mouth. "Sorry, but can you move, I kind of need to get into my classroom so you can show me how to teach my class, you know?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I wasn't thinking." Shane moved out of Ryan's way briskly and for some reason, Ryan could feel his cheeks burning.

As soon as he could, Ryan unlocked the door to get into the classroom just to avoid making any further eye contact with Shane. The less he had to look at Shane, the better. It wasn't that Shane was bad looking, oh, no, that certainly wasn't the case. If anything, it was because he was just too damn attractive, and that was the fact that was going to make teaching his class very difficult for that block.

Ryan just needed to get to his desk and set everything up for the lab the students would be doing for the day and pretend like Shane wasn't even there. Sure, it was easier said than done, but it had to get done. He couldn't spend the entire class staring at another teacher and just not teaching his students, no matter how much he wanted to. As he dropped his bag at his desk, he shook his head. He had to stop thinking like that. Of course, he didn't like Shane like that.

The only distraction Ryan got from his overbearing thoughts of how attractive Shane was was Shane immediately making a judgmental comment about the decor on the walls of his classroom. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Arching an eyebrow, Ryan turned to see Shane holding his head in his hands as he stood across the alien head sticker that was next to the back lab tables. "What?"

"I thought you said that you didn't teach your students that the paranormal is real?"

Ryan's smiled widened. "I don't, though. One of my students gave me that and stuck it on the wall for me!"

Shane sighed. "This is going to be a long class." He looked around. "Where are your students anyways?"

"Well, the late bell hasn't rung yet, and we've only been here for a minute, so calm down. They'll be here shortly." Ryan started to unpack the boxes with all of the supplies he would need like a couple of the better students of his class started filing in.


	6. Chapter 6

The class had gone rather smoothly if it could be called that. Everyone had collectively decided to interact with Mr. Madej more than Mr. Bergara, even though some of the students didn't even have Mr. Madej.

Ryan had about the same four students come up to him that usually talked to him and even worse, it seemed that no one had any questions about the lab. That only proved to be bad since only three students had done the lab right, though Ryan shouldn't have been all too surprised because of the results of the last few exams the class had taken. None of the students had done particularly well.

Ryan thought he had been friendly and he always tried to make the class as interesting and entertaining as possible, so he just didn't know where he was going wrong. Thankfully, the rest of the day had gone by much smoother. Not that any of his other classes actually talked to him and asked questions, but he certainly didn't have any issues of one Mr. Shane Madej screwing anything up. 

At the end of the day, the two teachers had reconvened. Shane took his signature spot next to Ryan. "So, are you ready for your analysis?"

Ryan sighed heavily. "Yeah, sure. I guess just lay it on me." He threw his arms out like they were wings. "Why is it that my students hate me so?"

Shane adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat, feigning the role of a doctor. "Well," he said, adjusting invisible papers, "the results have come back inconclusive, but it just seems that none of them are particularly interested in your class, which is nothing that you could do anything about, no matter how much you may want to."

Ryan sighed. That was what he had been worried about. "Well, I hope they got a kick out of having you there. I don't know why they didn't think I could hear them? They do know I have ears, right? They weren't even asking you anything about the lab!"

Bewildered, Ryan was going over the next day's lesson plan. "I mean," he started again, "your students come and talk to you and ask you questions, don't they?"

Shane shrugged, not giving Ryan a conclusive answer he was looking for. He let out a huff of air. "Well, they were certainly all over me when I was n your classroom."

"Well, yeah," Shane said in a "duh" voice. When Ryan met his eyes, he could see that Shane had some look in his eye that Ryan couldn't identify. "Students tend to ask questions when they're given random and frankly weird directions, especially when a handsome teacher that not all of them have is wandering around the room, inquiring about a name?"

The heat rose in Ryan's cheeks. He could feel it snake down his chest. "They told you about that?"

Shane smirked as he leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, they told me."

While that had been what Ryan asked about, that wasn't what he truly wanted to know. What he really wanted to know, probably more than anything he had ever wanted to know before, was if, when Shane called him handsome, if that was Shane speaking, or if that was something Shane had overheard from a couple of the students.

He would have liked if Shane had meant it, but he was willing to bet money on it that it had just been something one of his students had said. Ryan hadn't been nervous with their conversation until Shane said that. As soon as he did, Ryan had the overwhelming desire to impress him, like something he would do for a boyfriend. Not that Shane was (or ever would be, if Ryan was speaking realistically) Ryan's boyfriend, but he knew the weird feeling he was having that made him want to impress him.

There wasn't a whole lot that Ryan knew how to do, but science and cooking were definitely up there. The thought had barely grazed over his mind before the words were spilling out of his mouth, too late for him to take any of it back. "Hey, so, um, I was thinking... would you like to, I don't know, maybe come over my house tonight and have dinner with me?" Shane stared at Ryan, his eyes huge. "I mean," Ryan scrambled to clean up, "not that it has to be tonight if you're not free or something. Actually, you don't have to ever come over if you don't want to, it was just a que--"

"Ryan," Shane said loud enough to finally break Ryan's rambling. As soon as Ryan did finally heard him, he clammed up immediately. "Ryan," Shane repeated, softer now. Ryan looked up at him. "I would love to. I have tonight open if you do."

Having no idea what just happened, Ryan nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I do. Uh, it would be nice if you wore something nice. Not that you don't already look nice, but think the opera house. Not that you don't look like you could--"

"I'll dress nicely," Shane said gently, flashing Ryan a smile that made him weep inside. "And don't worry, I didn't take offense to anything you said. I know what you're trying to say."

Ryan nodded. He cringed at how awkward he was being and wished he could be a lot smoother, but whatever he had done seemed to work enough for the history teacher. Though, he couldn't believe that it went from him trying to figure out Shane's first name to him impulsively asking Shane over to his house for, like, a date or something. He didn't even know.

"I'll see you at 7?"

Ryan looked up to see a twinkle in Shane's eye. "Yeah, are you allergic to anything?"

Shane shook his head. "I'll see you," he said, winking.

The second that Shane was out the door, their coworker Sara Rubin turned to Ryan, her eyes as big as dinner plates and the goofiest smile on her face. "Oh, my God, did you just ask him out?" She gasped and threw her hands out to Ryan like they were twelve-year-old girls gossipping about their crushes as a sleepover, "do you like him?"

Ryan's cheeks burned. "What? No, of course not?"

"Mhm," she said, raking her eyes over Ryan's body. "I don't believe that for a damn second."

"Well, you should because I don't."

Sara just rolled her eyes. "What are you making for dinner?"

Ryan thought for a moment before saying, "well, I was thinking about making some prosciutto-wrapped chicken and I was also going to get him a couple of flowers. Is that alright?"

Sara smiled brightly. "That's perfect."


	7. Chapter 7

This had been a bad idea. It had taken Ryan a couple of hours to feel it, but he knew it was a bad idea. It hadn't been a bad idea when he asked, and it wasn't for an hour after he had asked, but the sinking feeling started to drop an anchor in his stomach around the time he was in the store and was buying a small bouquet of red gerbera daisies and calla lilies. He has tempted to text Shane and ask him if he was okay, but he didn't want to jinx anything, so he didn't text Shane.

The feeling only got stronger when he was making the prosciutto-wrapped chicken. As he was glazing them with honey, he was certain something was going to go wrong and he knew that he should have checked in with Shane, to make sure he was still coming over, but he didn't.

His nerves on the end and his mind was reeling. He had adjusted and readjusted his outfit four times before realizing that it probably was going to cause his brain to explode if he didn't just sit down. The thing that made him really uneasy was that it was seven-thirty and Shane still hadn't shown up. From what Ryan had seen, Shane was a pretty punctual guy and never missed something unless he had had to.

Shane also definitely seemed like the type of guy to let the other person know if he wasn't showing up to something, in this case, the other person being Ryan. Ryan bit his lip as he took the prosciutto-wrapped chicken out of the oven. He wanted to text Shane, but if Shane hadn't texted him, there had to have been a reason. He wasn't going to text Shane if Shane wasn't even going to bother texting him.

Ryan was still going to give Shane a chance, however. As he placed the prosciutto-wrapped chicken on the table and lit the candles, he sat at the table, silent. He didn't know what to do or where to go from there. So many thoughts danced around in his mind that he couldn't get anything to sit long enough to form a coherent thought. Of all the possibilities, the one that seemed the most likely to him was the one where Shane just bailed. Ryan knew it was sudden, they had only been talking for a couple of days and out of nowhere, he sprung this on him. He just didn't think that he was such a horrible person that he didn't deserve even an explanation.

-

It took Ryan until eight fifteen before he finally moved to the living room and undid his belt. There was a choking feeling in his chest as he watched the candles burn out. As he removed his tie, he felt the feeling of choking getting less and less. He still hadn't touched the prosciutto-wrapped chicken. By that point, it had felt more of a mockery. And if Ryan were being honest, he didn't want to eat the meal he had prepared on the off chance that Shane would still show up.

Eating it without him would feel like a betrayal.

-

At nine-thirty, Ryan had started nodding off, still on the couch in his nice clothes. It was such a shame that his outfit had gone to waste. In Ryan's mind, it was quite the look. He was wearing a very esteemed looking white button-down with these cute little steel alien cufflinks he found. He had paired it with some nice black slacks he wore to his friend's wedding, but that was it. His tie was a silk red. It was Ryan's favorite tie and all of his classes eventually got to see it at one time or another.

He couldn't keep his head up as the basketball game was droning on behind him. He never cried, let alone fall asleep early, but there he was, crying on his couch in almost his full get up and nearly falling asleep. He couldn't find the energy within himself to get up and actually change or turn off the basketball game, so he just stayed.

Probably the worst thing about the entire ordeal was the fact that Shane still hadn't bothered to text him. And it still happened to be a school night, so Ryan would have to see Shane bright and early the next morning.

Ryan still wanted to text Shane, but he found the power in himself to not message Shane. He fell asleep on the couch angry and with dried tears staining his cheeks.

-

The next morning, Ryan was running late to school. There was nothing less than that Ryan wanted to see than Shane's huge head with his stupid face and his gorgeous coffee eyes. He had wanted to little to have to deal with Shane, that when Ryan brought his coffee to school with him that morning, it wasn't just black, it was an espresso. There was no energy in him.

He had barely had the time to go to the teacher's lounge by the time that he had arrived at the school, but when he did, Shane was nowhere to be seen. That hadn't been a good sign. There was still fifteen minutes before classes were starting, so Shane still should have been in his usual seat in the teacher's lounge, eating his new fruity muffin.

The was, however, a new person in the room. In addition to some of the usual teachers (Ryan just assumed that the others were either running late or already in their classes), there was a substitute teacher on the couch reading a newspaper. The man was older and had a gray beard. He was wearing a beige vest over top of a wrinkled white long-sleeved shirt. With that, he was wearing khakis that didn't reach his ankles with grey and blue argyle socks and brown loafers. He was definitely the type of person that screamed history or math, a substitute teacher.

Ryan sighed and just headed to his class. He didn't want to be in the teacher's lounge if it meant that Shane wasn't there and he had nothing better to do. He would just put on a movie for the day and give another busy work worksheet for the students to do while he tried to grade the students' tests and lab sheets. As long as he didn't have to speak to them, everything would be fine.

He sat down at his desk and immediately put his head down on the desk. It would take him a minute to get everything set up, but he still had fifteen minutes to himself before he had to tell the kids what they would be doing for the day. he would be damned if he didn't take advantage of every minute of those fifteen minutes.

-

Surely Shane would show his stupid face that Ryan wanted oh so desperately to see at lunch, right? Apparently not, since by the time that lunch was over, Ryan still hadn't seen Shane. _Maybe I should check out his classroom... I do have the next block off..._ Ryan shook his head. He would not be visiting Shane's classroom if he could help it. It wouldn't make sense for him to go off and find someone that clearly wanted nothing to do with him, but with his off period, he could just take the time he needed and allow himself to just feel free. 

It wasn't until his free lunch that he saw anyone that he really spoke to. Sara was in the room and she looked pretty shaken. She was usually wearing bright red lipstick, but today it looked as if it had been applied hastily and her hair was disheveled and her clothes were in disarray. There was barely any makeup coating her face. Even less than usual. On top of that, her eyes were puffy and not what Ryan was expecting to see. He figured he should go over and try to comfort her, so he did.

"Sar, you okay?"

"What? Huh?" She wiped some tears from her eyes. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Ryan crossed his arms tightly. "I don't believe you."

"Have you seen him yet?"

What? "Seen who?"

Sara looked at him like she couldn't believe what he had asked her. "'Who?' I'm talking about Shane, dumbass. Who else would I be talking about?"

"Well, there are a lot of 'he's' in the universe, so I think it's only natural I'm confused?" Ryan couldn't figure out what was so wrong with his question. He thought it was a justifiable question, but not according to Sara it wasn't.

"Seriously, Ryan, are you fucking with me or something?"

"What? No, of course not. Can you please just tell me what the fuck is going on? I'm so confused right now."

"Shane was in a fucking car accident last night."

That was the last thing Ryan heard before he felt himself fall to the ground.


	8. Chapter 8

Surely, there was no way that what Sara was saying was right. It had to have been some sort of fucked-up joke, right? If it was, it was seriously messed up. If Shane had just wanted to cancel that date, he could have just told Ryan he wanted to cancel. Ryan would have been upset, of course, but he didn't think himself so unreasonable as to say that they couldn't do that.

Getting into a car accident was a bit of an overreaction in his opinion. As he fell on the ground, everything around him was slow. The people rushing around him looked as if they were in slow motion and he couldn't understand what they were saying because they were shouting at him so slowly.

"I..." The seemed to be the only thing Ryan could say when he was able to figure out how to use his words again.

"Is..." Ryan swallowed thickly. "Is he okay?"

Sara nodded, squeezing her eyes shut tightly as two more tears slipped out. "He'll probably be back to school in a couple of days, it's still just," she took a shaky breath, "a little upsetting."

"What happened?" Ryan still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that that had actually happened. "Where was he going?"

Sara shrugged. "They said that he was on his way somewhere and the person who hit him was in much worse shape than him. Barely conscious at the time, bleeding out of the head, drunk. The girl that hit him died, but they said Shane was stable and getting better, he was just unconscious when they found him. They also said they found some water lilies in his car along with a heart-shaped box of chocolates. The best guess is that he was on his way to a..."

The way she trailed off made Ryan feel uneasy. The way she looked at him, her eyes wider than Ryan had ever seen anyone's eyes before setting him off even more. She gulped audibly. "You guys were going to have a date last night weren't you?"

Ryan bit his lip and nodded. "I just thought he was avoiding me because he ended up not wanting to come to my house and didn't know how to tell me he actually regretted saying yes and then continued avoiding me at school."

Sara shook her head, "didn't you see the sub here?"

"Yeah, but I didn't think it was for Shane's class."

"Are you coming with the rest of us to the hospital?"

"When are you going?"

Sara took a second to glance at her watch. "In a couple of hours. End of the day. We're all driving ourselves, of course, but we were all going to go over after work. I just got a call saying that he was awake and asking for you. They also said that his ribs were bruised, but nothing too major happened. It's a miracle nothing else ended up happening and he's really lucky for that."

"There's still just one thing I don't really understand."

"Shoot," Sarah encouraged, leaning against one of the counters in the teacher's lounge, trying to make herself stop crying.

"Um, please don't take any offense to this, but, uh, why did the hospital call you?"

Sara chuckled. "Yeah, I knew that would be a little bit perplexing to you. Shane and I were just really good friends and made each other our emergency contacts. Shane said he was going to switch his to you, but I guess he didn't get around to that yet."

Ryan nodded, barely processing what was going on. He had no way to make sure that any of it made sense, os he was listening to the words, but there was nothing in his head making sure that the meaning was getting to him.

"I'll see you in a couple of hours."

-

Thankfully, he had known what happened, even if it didn't fully make sense to him, so he didn't have much of a reason to be sulking around his students anymore. He was just itching to get through the rest of the day in a timely matter so he could see Shane and make sure he was okay. He supposed that he would run back to his house and quickly grab the bouquet he bought and bring that with him. It might be a nice gesture, especially if Shane had been asking for him.

That had been something else that Ryan had not been able to get through his, frankly, thick skull. That Shane had been asking for him. More than that, _why_ Shane had been asking for him. He was sure Shane just thought of him as a friend, unless he just really wanted to see Ryan and reject him in person.

"Mr. Bergara?" a loud voice called to him, bringing him out of his thoughts. He looked over and saw a couple of his students surrounding him. The person who had spoken was one of the nicest children he had ever met: Lucy Pendelton. She was always concerned about everyone and made sure everything was always alright. She always did her work and never disrupted any of the other students. perhaps that was why it bothered Ryan so much that she was standing around him with a gaggle of other kids, with a terrified look all over her face.

"Yes, Lucy?"

"I just wanted to make sure everything was okay with you. There was a weird look on your face and you were sweating. I just wanted to see that you were okay and a couple of others agreed with me. You weren't answering us so we just came up here."

Ryan smiled gently. "Yes, thank you, I'm fine. Um, if you know Mr. Madej the history teacher, we were supposed to hang out last night and instead, he got caught in a car accident. I was just worried about him, is all." The kids looked more horrified than he did just a minute ago. "Oh, but don't worry. He's fine. He'll probably be back in school in just a couple of days, it's alright."

They all nodded, their eyes wide.

That happened to be his last class, so as soon as it was over, he ran out of the room to the teacher's lounge. FInding Sara was easy. "Hey," he called to her. "Can you please give me your number? I just need to run back to my apartment to get something for him first. Can you text me what room he's in when you get there, please?"

Sara nodded and just took Ryan's phone from him and input her number.

"I'll tell him you're on your way when we get to see him."

"Thank you, but I would actually prefer if you didn't. I want it to be a surprise."

"You do? But why?"

"I think it'll just be a nice surprise is all," Ryan said, giving her a knowing smile.

Sara looked at him uneasily, but she promised him she wouldn't say a word.

"Great, you're a peach, I'll be back in a jiffy."

As Ryan turned away, he couldn't believe he sound like he had just jumped out of a comic book from the nineteen fifties.

-

He had just gotten back in his car when Sara started blowing up his phone.

**From** **Sara:**

_he's in room 336 on the third floor_

_where are you? he's asking me if you know_

_what should i tell him?_

_ryan?_

_ryan where are you?_

_actually, if you're driving don't answer_

He wasn't sure why he hadn't gotten any of her messages while he was looking for the flowers. All he did was put them in a vase. It wasn't that long that he was in his apartment and he should have felt the texts.

He was just about to compose a new one when another one came through.

**From Sara:**

_never mind, i told him of a random story that happened in his class today_

**To Sara:**

_you just changed the subject?_

**From Sara:**

_yeah_

_was that wrong of me?_

_wait_

_you aren't driving are you???_

**To Sara:**

_nope, just got back in my car. i'll be there in a couple of minutes, like fifteen at most._

_-_

Of course, getting into the building had to be difficult. He was holding a vase and apparently the nurses did not like that. They nearly didn't let him in until he screamed at them that he was there for Shane Madej in room 336 on the third floor. Even then the nurses were skeptical, but upon the proof, he showed that he was truly there for Shane, they let him through (with the vase and flowers).

He practically ran throughout the hospital, getting many dirty looks from the people walking with IV drips and the people with them, as well as plenty of the other doctors and nurses in the halls. However, once he got to where Shane's room was, he stopped abruptly to straighten himself out. He was also trying to make sure that he wasn't breathing super heavily when he walked in. That would be over the top and unnecessary. He could feel the phone in his pocket buzzing but he didn't bother to check it.

He heard Shane laugh and Ryan could feel his heart rate pick up. "Hey, Sara, who could be more important than me here?"

He heard her sputter some sort of response just before Shane told her that he was joking and she of all people should have known that. Of course, that would be the perfect time for Ryan to walk in, but he was so nervous to do so. In spite of everything in him screaming that he shouldn't and invisible forces pulling his muscles back, he went in the flowers in front of his face.

Everyone went quiet.

"Ryan? Is that you?"

Slowly, Ryan brought the flowers down from in front of his face.

"Surprise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is pretty short and a lot more dialogue-based, but the next couple of chapters won't be so much


	9. Chapter 9

As soon as Ryan walked into the room, Shane ordered everyone out of the room. Ryan got closer to Shane and he could see how pained and dull his eyes looked. Once certain they were all out of earshot, Ryan began to say, "I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner."

At the same time, Shane decided to say, "I'm so sorry that I didn't show up."

Of course, with both of them speaking at the same time, they hadn't been able to hear what the other said. Well, Ryan kind of heard what Shane said, but he wasn't sure if Shane had heard what he had said. "What, Shane, no, don't apologize for that. You got hit by a car. It's a _miracle_ you weren't hurt more. Also, uh," he stuck the flowers out, "these are for you. I was going to give them to you yesterday, but you know... How are you feeling?"

Shane took the flowers and set them on the side table next to him. "Oh, thank you, they're lovely. I got some flowers for you, too, and some chocolates, but, um, I guess they couldn't have been salvaged." Shane tried to push himself up in the bed and winced. "I'm okay, my ribs hurt, but nothing's broken, so that's good, I guess."

Ryan placed a hand on his shoulder. "That's good. Don't force yourself to sit up if you can't do it, okay? You need to take it easy. Do you have whiplash or a concussion or anything?"

Shane shook his head. "Nope, just some really bruised ribs. Do my students know?"

A sheepish look danced across Ryan's face. "Honestly, I'm not too sure. I mean, I told one of my classes, but up until my free block after lunch today, I thought you were just being the world's biggest dick and avoiding me as much as possible. I only told them because they were concerned about how I looked, but it was just because I was worried about you."

"How did they take it?"

"Madej, I think you need to stop worrying about the school and just focus on getting better."

Shane rolled his eyes. "Really? Back to the last name? I miss _one_ date and suddenly you act like you don't know me." His words stung Ryan's heart a bit, but his tone was light-hearted and joking, so Ryan tried not to take it too seriously.

"Oh? We're calling it a date now, are we?"

"What, you mean, the two of us alone in your apartment, both of us getting flowers, and you making dinner for, presumably, a candlelit dinner, and we aren't even going, to be honest about what it is?"

Ryan's heart was thumping loudly. He wanted to throw up all of the butterflies in his stomach, the only problem was that there weren't any actual butterflies in his stomach. It was just his usual amount of overreacting if it could be called that. He could feel his hands going sweaty. God, that was so embarrassing. He was sure he was blushing. It was so stupid. How was Shane able to keep a straight face and treat everything so nonchalantly.

Ryan was working up a proper response, but he got interrupted when one of the nurses came in to check Shane's vitals. To be honest, he was quite thankful for that because he still hadn't thought of what he had wanted to say back to Shane. 

During her visit, the nurse informed Ryan that visiting hours were over and he couldn't stay unless he was family (which prompted Ryan to start leaving sadly and for Shane to say, "but he's my husband! He can stay!" 

(The nurse shot him down, "it isn't on the record, so I'm sorry, but he can't." Ryan's face turned into basically a tomato at Shane calling Ryan his husband. That _was_ quite the jump, but Ryan assured Shane he would be back tomorrow. 

(Shane grabbed Ryan's hand and kissed it gently. "I'll see you tomorrow, my loving husband.")

By the time Ryan had made his way back into the lobby, everyone else had already gone home. There was no one there and no texts from Sara.

-

The next day was a Saturday, which thankfully meant that Ryan could spend nearly as much time as he wanted to with Shane. He arrived twenty minutes after waking up. He did two things after waking up before heading over to the hospital: brush his teeth and grab two of his raspberry lemon muffins for them to eat for breakfast.

The first thing that Ryan had notably noticed in the difference between the previous day and the current day was how much livelier Shane had seemed. There was a giant smile on his face and his eyes were no longer so dull. As Ryan arrived, there was a nurse that was leaving the room. She winked at him and before she left, she grabbed him by the bicep and pulled him in so close. "He only seemed to perk up after you visited yesterday. You know, he's lucky you have you."

Shane smiled, indicating to Ryan that he heard what the nurse said to him. It would be embarrassing if he just kept blushing, so he tried to swallow the blush that had been forming and moved in closer to Shane. If either of them had moved their heads ever so slightly, they would have ended up kissing.

That wouldn't have been the worst thing to happen to Ryan, but it wouldn't do him much good since he definitely didn't like Shane. He was just going through a weird patch where his body was acting like he did, even though it was obvious Shane was just a friend. Two grown men can have a nice dinner alone... with candle lighting... and still, befriends... Okay, yeah, maybe it sounded like a date and getting the flowers didn't help, but there was no way in _hell_ Ryan was going to let himself like a coworker. Besides, Ryan was nearly certain that Shane had a girlfriend, didn't he?

Pulling back from the friendly hug (emphasis on friendly), Ryan began admiring the vague framed photos all around the room. "Has your girlfriend been here to visit you yet?"

When Ryan didn't get an answer, he turned to the man in the hospital bed to see if he was still awake and okay and to see if he had heard him. Instead of a sleeping guy or someone who was head, Ryan was just met with the strangest look of confusion he had ever seen. "Ry, where did you get the idea that I have a girlfriend?"

"You... you don't have a girlfriend?"

Shane shook his head. Something in Ryan sparked a sense of happiness that made him feel like a schoolgirl with a schoolgirl crush on the popular boy she could never have. He just needed to get it through his head that he would not be able to be with Shane for several reasons, and the main one being that he wasn't into Shane like that.

There was a twinge in Ryan. Whenever he thought that it felt wrong. Like he was lying to himself, but there was no way. That couldn't be right. Ryan Bergara was not attracted to Shane Madej. And there was that twinge in him. It felt like something inside of him was pinching a nerve, except that nerve was in his heart.

"Why did you think I had a girlfriend?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. I thought I overheard someone saying you do."

Ryan had made his way back to Shane's bed, but he couldn't bring himself to meet Shane's eyes. "Really? That's interesting. Who did you overhear?"

Ryan mumbled something he tried to make incoherent, but it didn't work too well and it ended up coming out as clear as Shane could have hoped for. He could clearly make out Ryan saying "just some of my students."

"Weird," Shane commented quietly, "because I've heard a lot of my students asking if you were my boyfriend and a lot of our friendly staff think we are, at the very least and to put it mildly, boning."

" _That's putting it mildly?!"_

When Ryan looked over at Shane, there was an evil glint in his eyes and Ryan wondered how he missed it. All of a sudden, he started to feel really hot in places he shouldn't have been hot in as flashes of bare skin touching crossed his mind.

Shane was holding up his hands while an evil smirk remained on his face. He definitely noticed how Ryan shifted pants and conveniently dropped the folder he was holding over his crotch area. "Hey, I was just passing along the message. Our coworkers seem to have very dirty mouths, though. Like, worse than the students."

"Oh, my God," Ryan muttered as he dropped his head into one of his hands.

-

The rest of the day had gone fairly smoothly. No one else ended up dropping in (that may have had something to do with the fact that when Sara texted Ryan asking if he was with Shane, he said yes), so the two of them spent pretty much the entire day together. While he was there, Ryan found out that Shane would be getting discharged the next day, but he wouldn't be able to go back to work until Wednesday at the earliest. 

There had been a mishap at lunch when Shane spilled hot soup on his lap and when he couldn't locate a nurse, he started to remove the hospital gown he was in. However, Ryan felt the desperate need to leave and find a nurse immediately. He wouldn't go back in until Shane had a new gown on.

Ryan had a feeling that Shane wouldn't be letting that go any time soon. Sure, it was a weird reaction, but it was nothing too horrible, but knowing Shane, he wouldn't let it go. That was the annoying thing about Shane, but at the same time, Ryan couldn't bring himself to hate it, no matter what he claimed. 

After that had happened, Ryan pretty much just heard the doctor say that Shane would be eligible for release the following day and needed to be under supervision. Ryan had volunteered to take him home and to help make sure he was icing his bruises and everything.

After the nurse left, Ryan may or may not have also quietly promised Shane that he would FaceTime him during the off class so he could see some of his students, which made Shane smile. It was pained and Ryan assumed the pain medicine hadn't kicked in yet.

Nothing eventful really happened after that, except for when it came time for Ryan to leave again. The nurse came back to check Shane's vitals (Ryan had since learned her name was Gabriella and he noticed that every time she was in the room and she saw the two of them joking, a huge smile came across her deep plum lips) and when it had come time for Ryan to leave, she was right there, politely as she could, suggesting to Shane that he say goodbye. 

When Shane had refused again, he once again insisted that they were husbands, and for effect purposes only, he grabbed Ryan's hands, causing Ryan to turn into a red so red, that he would be giving Jupiter a run for its money. The nurse hesitated. "Look, I'm sorry, but regulations are regulations and I can't go breaking them for everyone that I want to. I'm sure you guys would make a lovely couple and while I believe that you are married, there just isn't any proof of it on your persons nor in the system, so I'm so sorry, but he needs to go."

Shane pouted. "Gabriella, you disappoint me. You shouldn't disappoint me because your name is in _High School Musical,_ but here you are, telling _my husband_ that he needs to go home and can't make sure I'm getting better." He made a quick tsking sound with his mouth.

Gabriella let out a short, exasperated sigh. Ryan wondered how often she had to deal with annoying patients that wouldn't let things go like Shane. She bit her lip and looked between the two of them, her eyebrows knit tightly together.

"Fine," she said shortly, "he can stay, but you two better act like a fucking couple. Got it?" Shane looked at Ryan with more glee than a six-year-old boy who finally got a puppy for his birthday. It was really cute, in an innocent sort of way.

Ryan got to stay the night on the couch in the hospital room of the coworker he still _definitely_ didn't like, despite what his heart tried to say.


	10. Chapter 10

The couch was stiff. Too stiff for anyone to get a good night's sleep on it no matter how much they had wanted to, which meant that Ryan would either barely get sleep, or he could just stay up the entire night. He opted for the second option. Besides, it wasn't like he would get much sleep with how retched the smell of the hospital was. It had that God awful clean scent, one that was similar to when you spilled something like blood or paint on a hardwood floor and you needed bleach to clean it up, and then accidentally spilled too much bleach and the scent just _lingered;_ taunting you. That was what it smelled like to Ryan, and it was haunting him.

He would go on his phone, but the clock in the room burned his eyes as he looked at the arrows pointing to the twelve and the two, and he knew he definitely didn't have enough juice to last him until the morning when Shane would be getting discharged. He had forgotten to bring his charger with him.

His eyes drifted over to where Shane lay, fast asleep, occasionally twitching in his hospital bed in more pain than Ryan ever wanted to feel. Shane looked so peaceful, aside from the sensation he must have been feeling from the bruised ribs, but there was a calm expression on his face. It reminded Ryan of the first time he ever saw Shane.

_The building was huge. Much bigger than Ryan's high school or, hell, even his college. That was pretty damn small, and here was this giant-sized building that they claimed would fit over three thousand students and two hundred and fifty staff members. Ryan took a huge gulp of air before walking in._

_He had just been hired as one of the new biology teachers. The last thing he wanted was to run into any of his students while learning the lay of the land and have them think he was unfit to be a teacher. This would be his first year ever being a teacher, but he had just spent the past two and a half years being a student teacher in various schools for all different grades, so he thought he was more than prepared for the new school year._

_Though, the school had been in session for three months. This was Ryan's first day. He would come to find out that the teacher he was replacing had been fired for more reasons than one, but the main one that everyone was talking about was the fact that he had been having an affair with one of his students. It was hard on a lot of the teachers because from Ryan's understanding, this had been a good guy who did a very bad thing. When Ryan had done some digging about the school, he came across an Instagram page where a good chunk of the comments had been dedicated to saying how they refused to believe that Mr. Izo was sleeping with one of the junior students. That had been a shock for Ryan and he didn't go on Instagram for a week after, nor did he tell his friends the school he was teaching at._

_As soon as Ryan stepped into the school, he immediately wanted to break down. While he had thought that the school was big from the outside, it felt like it was even bigger on the inside and reminded him quite a bit of_ Doctor Who. _He figured it would be a good thing if he could try to find the teacher's lounge first -- introduce himself to a couple of the teachers and try to get his bearings for how things worked. He was supposed to start halfway through the day and tomorrow would be his first full day. The school thought that that would be "less awkward for everyone" if he did it like that._

_Ryan rolled his eyes at the thought of what the school had told him in the email just a week ago. He had a bad feeling that none of the students would like him, but that wasn't his job. His job was to teach students about how the cells in their bodies worked and to teach the advanced kids how to do dissections._

_When he looked around, he saw long stretches of hallway that was covered in tile that was dirty and covered in scuffs. He wondered how long it would take him to get across. Right in front of him was what read "The Main Office; 001." Maybe this would be a better place to start looking for where he needed to be?_

_There was oddly no one there. Ryan peered over the counter where there should have been a secretary typing away at the computer, but all he saw was a tall man with either sandy blond or light brown hair; he couldn't make a distinction. The man was wearing a fuzzy green sweater over a light purple button up and some nice looking jeans. He was also wearing very wiry, very thick glasses. The man was standing facing the wall, his head in some paper and a serious look was on his face. Ryan cleared his throat._

_The man looked up at him and smiled. He walked over and Ryan noticed that his shoulders hunched forward a lot when he did. He also noticed how big the man's head was, although cute. If he were someone's dad, Ryan would probably end up trying to seduce him or something for his gain. "Hi, I'm Mr. Madej, are you here to pick up your child?"_

_Ryan didn't extend his arm in return for what "Mr. Madej" was doing._ Damn it, he's a teacher, _Ryan thought. "No, sorry, um, I'm the new biology teacher? I was told to start in the middle of the day?"_

_Mr. Madej stared at him quizzically. "Look," Ryan started, "I'm just as confused as you are about that bit, but can you please just point me in the direction of the teacher's lounge?"_

_"Huh?" Mr. Madej had gone back to looking at the paper in his hands. "Oh, are you Mr..." he squinted at the paper, "Bergara?" he asked slowly._

_"Yes."_

_"Did you ask me something just now?"_

_Jesus, what was this guy? An idiot? "Yes. I asked you to point me in the direction of the teacher's lounge?"_

_"Ah, yes, of course. Right through here." Mr. Madej didn't point anywhere, but he did come out from behind the desk. Once he was in full view of Ryan, he started walking down the left side hallway, his arm extended much further than Ryan thought necessary. "Just make a left when you get to the end of the hallway here and it'll be the second door on your right. You can't miss it, there'll be a bunch of grumpy adults with lots of papers in it and it'll reek of coffee." Ryan started to walk down the hall, forgetting to thank the teacher, but he was stopped. There was a hand on his shoulder, and he saw that it belonged to the new teacher he had just met._

_Once more, the teacher stuck his hand out and Ryan took it. "Welcome, I'm a history teacher. I can help you get acquainted if you need." His smile was so warm and inviting, it reminded Ryan of the chocolate chip cookies his grandmother used to have always waiting for him when he went over to her house._

Ryan never did see Shane after that. At least, not until this year. They had always been so far apart, the two of them. Perhaps that had been why Shane hadn't recognized him five years later. They never really had the pleasure of running into each other, and when they did, Shane never noticed Ryan.

None of that mattered to Ryan now. What mattered was that Shane was there now, whether he was in the hospital or not, Ryan and Shane were friends. From the first day that Ryan knew him, he had wanted to get to know Shane, and here was his chance. In his mind, Ryan had stepped out of line, even though everything that happened (Shane saying yes to coming to his house, finding out Shane's name, the nurse, and Shane saying they were married) said otherwise. It made Ryan feel as though he were floating on cloud nine, and that was a feeling he would never want to give up. For some reason, though, there was something on the edge of his mind, and he couldn't seem to let it go.

He was pulled out of the thoughts swarming around in his mind when he heard rustling coming from the bed. When he looked over, there was Shane, his eyes wide open and staring at Ryan, who had just been staring back at Shane. Startled (and quite honestly feeling the air in his lungs stop; when one man sees his friend staring back at him at two o'clock in the morning, it's rather unsettling), Ryan spoke up. "Shane? You okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just felt eyes on me and they were yours. Are _you_ okay?"

"Oh, yeah, no, I'm totally good. I just couldn't really sleep and I was just remembering the day I met you is all."

It was hard to make out, but Ryan could see Shane looking at him quizzically with the help of the moonlight. "That was only a couple of days ago."

Ryan shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Ah, Shane, of course, you wouldn't remember. I mean, it wasn't like you even recognized me the day after we met. The day we met was five years ago, when I started teaching at the school. You were at the secretary's desk and you showed me how to get to the teacher's lounge, but I never really saw you again until I noticed you and started eyeing you in the break room."

Shane looked even more confused, but he was too tired to get a direct answer from Ryan. "Don't worry about it, buddy. Just go back to sleep, alright?" Shane didn't need to wait for Ryan to tell him as he was already nodding off again. Ryan figured he might as well try to get what little sleep he would be able to and closed his eyes. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry it's taken this long to get up, my mental health has been suffering and things have been lowkey crazy, i'm going to try to update a bit more in my last two weeks before school starts, but i can't promise a lot because i really do pour my heart and soul into writing these chapters and if it's not perfect, it's difficult, but im trying.

It had been three weeks after Shane had gotten back to the school and about a month and a half after he had been hit initially before Ryan even  _ thought  _ about asking Shane out on another date. In that time, Ryan had managed to convince himself that he was bad luck for Shane and that it would be better for both of them if Ryan didn’t even try to interact with Shane.

In the time that he had been back, Ryan had been fairly cold and distant towards Shane. It wasn’t how Ryan had intended, but he was still trying to convince himself that he didn’t like Shane like that. Ryan had made up his mind: that he was going to take Shane getting hit by the car as a sign that the two of them were not supposed to date. Besides, was that even what he wanted? To date Shane? What was next, being his boyfriend, kissing him in between episodes of a new Netflix binge? Ryan’s mouth was watering at just thinking about it. It didn’t make sense. Why would he want that if he didn’t even like Shane like that? God, it had been six weeks and Ryan couldn’t even make up his mind about what he wanted.

Ryan sighed loudly and set down the ham sandwich he was eating for lunch. That was another thing, his lunches had gotten a lot lonelier since he stopped talking to Shane so much. He saw Shane look at him out of the corner of his eye. There was a sadness that Ryan didn’t enjoy seeing, but it was there. A pang of guilt vibrated up through his vertebrae and shocked him. He looked back at Shane. When they made eye contact, Ryan could see Shane’s thin brown eyebrows dropping lower than Ryan had seen before just before Shane turned his head away. Ryan followed suit, not being able to handle the sad feeling creeping up his throat.

Ryan didn’t know what to do or how to react. He looked down at his sandwich, the rest of the hungry feeling within him left, leaving him an empty shell of a man who still had half the workday ahead of him. He felt his phone buzz and he threw it on the table in front of him. It was only lit up for one more second before it turned off, but he saw it said “Shane.”

**From Shane:**

_ are you mad at me or something? _

Ryan looked up and scanned around the room. Shane left. 

**To Shane:**

_ no, i’m not mad at you… i just think it would be better for us if we didn’t talk _

_...for you if i don’t talk to you… _

**From Shane:**

_ so does that mean if i were to invite you on another date you would say no? _

**To Shane:**

_ well, how can i ensure your safety? that’s all i care about. that’s why i’m pulling away. so you don’t get hurt again. _

_ Read: 1:33 p.m. _

Ryan waited for another text, but it never came. The bell rang, indicating that lunch was over and that Ryan had to get back to his class. He sighed, wrapping his unfinished sandwich in some paper towels and threw it out. He didn’t know why he was expecting a message back from Shane. Ryan had just told him that he wanted to pull away to make sure that Shae didn’t get hit by another car. Ryan thought that if he were in Shane’s shoes, he wouldn’t respond either. Hell, he probably wouldn’t have even wanted to see himself in the hospital after the accident. 

Despite his negative thinking, there was a pulling sensation at the back of Ryan’s head, telling him that even if he thinks that’s what he would do, that’s not what he wanted Shane to do. Of course, it was a selfish thing, for him to say that he wouldn’t talk to Shane if he were in Shane’s shoes, but to hope that Shane wouldn’t stop talking to him.

Ryan shook his head, disappointed in himself for not thinking more about Shane and what Shane was going through. He should have been there for Shane, regardless of if he felt like it would just end up being worse for the two of them or not. Shane still deserved a proper explanation and that was certainly not what Ryan was providing.

He walked along the halls, his head hanging low, muttering to himself. He was aware of the hundreds of students he was navigating through, pushing his way past the couples making out and the students copying each other’s homework, but he was just trying to make sure that while he was talking to himself that no one could overhear what he was saying. He was cursing himself out and that was not something he needed to add to the list of things he would eventually get in trouble for.

When he walked into the classroom, he could tell that there was a different vibe. It didn’t take a genius for that. Ryan decided he didn’t have the energy in himself to deal with any of the shit being thrown his way, so just wouldn’t. He would take his students’ shit as it was being flung at him and just not even fight back.

At least, that’s what he was thinking until he actually turned his head and saw why the energy in the science classroom felt so much more different than it normally did.

Sitting at the last table in the back in his signature chinos and vans was Shane freaking Madej. His glasses were perched on the top of his head and he was staring intensely at two papers he was switching between, occasionally writing on one of them. After Ryan had seen Shane, everything else that had been changed suddenly seemed to fall into place right after that. Shane had opened up the blinds, so it was a lot brighter in the classroom than it usually was. There was also a new scent that Ryan wasn’t used to. It smelled very much like the summer, but he couldn’t pinpoint a specific scent. He searched all over the classroom for what could have caused the scent and in the back, near Shane, was a pink and red candle. It was too far from him for him to be able to read the label, but he could see it was there.

“You fucked up the Feng Shui of my classroom, Madej.”

“Careful,” Shane replied, not looking away from the papers he waws grading, “there are kids in the room now.”

Ryan looked behind him and saw six students crowded around his desk in a weird half huddle like they were all too afraid to come into the room by themselves, so instead, they were around their teacher’s desk.

Sighing, Ryan walked the rest of the way to where Shane was sitting.

“What is this? Why are you here?”

Shane smiled maliciously at him. Turning slightly, he placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and while making eye contact with him, Shane said in a low, dangerous tone, “all in good time, my dear, sweet Ryan.”

Ryan backed away from the man, his nose scrunched up. “Gross, you sound like Ursula from  _ The Little Mermaid.  _ Everyone knows she is the  _ worst  _ Disney character of all time, so I would highly appreciate it if you didn’t touch me anymore, thank you.”

Shane held his hands above his head in surrender. “Whatever you say, the almighty Ryan. King Ryan, this is your domain and I am not here to steal your territory.”

Ryan looked at Shane weirdly, as if he didn’t believe a word he was saying. To be fair, Shane was being ridiculously weirder than usual. Ryan thought he had a right to be suspicious. He pushed the thought away and moved back up to the front of his classroom, where most of the students were then seated, all staring at him expectantly.

This time, it was Ryan who held his hands up in surrender. “Guys, don’t look at me, I didn’t plan for him to be here. He just showed up, so it’s better if you pay him no mind.” No one gave a verbal indication they heard him, but every single pair of eyes that had been laid on him looked at him skeptically. Ryan knew that look all too well.

It was the same look he gave himself in the morning when he tried to convince himself he wasn’t into Shane like that.

-

The bell rang fifteen minutes ago. 

The halls were empty and quiet, aside from the occasional pattering of students' feet on the ground, running to get to another teacher.

Fifteen minutes had passed, yet neither Ryan nor Shane had spoken a word yet. Ryan's classroom still smelled like watermelon limeade (the incense scent Shane had managed to find God knows where) and he had to admit, it was kind of starting to grow on him. It didn't make him as angry anymore. He felt as if the muscles in his back were looser and he could feel the stress of grading his students' work washing away with every extra minute he was smelling the watermelon limeade. Ryan was just basking in the scent, playing with Shane's fingers, staring at his face, knowing that it would be too much for him if he were to stare into the other man's eyes. 

"Ry," Shane finally whispered. 

Ryan had two choices: first, he could look Shane in the eyes and die of embarrassment, but he wouldn't need to actually say anything, or two, he could look down, but then he would need to speak. Neither of which appealed to him, so he created a new option: look down and clearly nod his head.

"Ry, I want you to look me in the eyes." Well, so much for that plan. Reluctantly (and with a new tint of pink on Ryan's face), he looked up. "I want to talk about what you texted me earlier."

Internally, Ryan groaned. That had been the last thing he wanted to talk about it and he couldn't figure out why he didn't even at least _suspect_ that Shane would want to discuss it. His heart thumped loudly in his ears, hammering against his bones so that his whole body shook slightly. He didn't like that he could feel the sensation of his beating heart all the way down to his toes. His mouth ran dry as he tried to swallow. "W - what about it?"

"I want to talk about exactly why you feel like you can't go on another date with me," Shane said pointedly.

"Well, I thought I said it pretty plainly in the text, didn't I?" Uh-oh. Ryan's defenses were going up. That only ever happened when he either felt like he was being accused of something or if he didn't want to explain something, unfortunately for him, this was the latter, and these types of fights tended to end ugly for him. It wasn't as though he had planned it, no, that would be ridiculous, but surely, he also didn't want to explain to Shane that he was still dealing with some internalized homophobia that he brought upon himself and couldn't admit he liked Shane. Wait, was that him admitting he liked Shane? _Fuck,_ he thought, _this is so much worse._

Ryan had been with guys before, but he had never actually stated out loud that he was into boys like that, or that men who dressed nicely (kind of like Madej) really turned him on, or that his first kiss had been behind the bleachers when he was eighteen with the school playboy who quickly spread rumors about him. However, there was only a month left of high school and no one took it seriously, so it didn't matter, but Ryan couldn't even say it out loud himself, so why did someone else get to come out for him? From there, life was pretty much a game of Ryan trying to force himself to like girls, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't do it. He didn't know if he had ever actually had a crush on a guy before because he could never find it in himself to admit it, but if he truly wanted Shane in all the ways he thought he did...

Ryan would have to fess up.

"Shane, I..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im also going to update my hamilton one because all of the chapters are written, i just need to finish writing one of them, but that will be updated too.  
> things are happening.  
> slowly, but surely.  
> i'm really trying and last night was hella hella hard and intrusive thoughts are impossible to deal with and im lowkey trying to cut everyone off rn so that's also not helping???? but???  
> writing will happen i promise im sorry again  
> and i have a new idea for a fic but it might be a one shot idk yet  
> it's for bts btw bc highkey i got into them this month (it's been almost two weeks lmao) and they're like ,,,, TWTWTWTWTWTW one of the only reasons i havent killed myself yet this month like shit had been so fucking difficult and i am STRUGGLING but they're getting me through it so thank u bts :)


	12. Chapter 12

Ryan tried to speak, he really did, but the words died in his throat, almost as soon as they popped into his brain. He bit his lip, biting back the words. Shane was staring at him intently but kindly. It wasn’t something that Ryan was really used to.

He opened his mouth again, but Shane’s hand quickly covered his own laced fingers. “Ry, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Just…” Shane trailed off, “just do me a favor.”

“Hm?”

“At least consider going out with me tomorrow night?”

Ryan poked his tongue out of his mouth and used it to drag his lip into his mouth. He had a habit of doing that when he was really deep in thought and the surrounding world around him melted into nothingness as he weighed his options. On one hand, he would love to go out with Shane (plus Shane did the asking, so maybe things wouldn’t go horribly wrong this time), but on the other, he still felt it was just way too risky of a move. He barely remembered that Shane was in front of him until Shane’s hand was on Ryan’s chin, gently pulling his lip out of the tight grip his teeth held.

As his teeth let go, he could also feel the tension being released. His eyebrows unfurrowed and he stopped holding his shoulders so tightly. He let out a deep breath and tried to rid the anxiety he was holding on to. He knew realistically, it did nothing good for him, but it still didn’t stop the feeling that made him want to tap his foot to no end.

“I -- I think it would be good for us to go…” Ryan said wearily, painfully aware of the smile that spread across Shane’s face. It was the toothy grin Ryan loved so much. He couldn’t bear to know that he would potentially be breaking that hope with just a couple of words. While he really wanted to go, everything in him was telling him that it was a bad idea and that he shouldn’t, but what did his inner voice know? All it was good for was ruining interactions with Shane and fueling his worst anxieties. 

“Good,” Shane said warmly, patting Ryan’s hands. “I hope you realize I wasn’t going to take no for an answer ‘cause I already bought the tickets last night.”

A shy smile crept onto Ryan’s face. “What are we seeing?”

“Um.” Shane stood up and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out a thin paper strip out of his back pocket and squinted at the tiny font. “I think it’s called…  _ Midsommar _ ? I’m not actually interested in seeing the movie; I just chose something because I wanted to spend some time with you. I hope that’s alright?”

Nodding, Ryan took the seat across from Shane, some of his worries slipping away. “So, does this count as a date-date that leads to kissing or is this a friend date where we shake hands and say we’ll grab a beer later after?”

“Well, that entirely depends on what you’re comfortable with.”

Knowing that the ball was in his court was a huge thing for him. There wasn’t a lot of pressure and he was in control. Oddly enough, that seemed to ease him even further and if they weren’t in a classroom, Ryan probably would have launched himself across the table and latched his lips onto Shane’s. You know, to take control of the situation… Instead of a verbal response, Ryan just smiled and squeezed Shane’s hands.

-

Ryan had been jittery the entire day, a lot more than usual. His students gave him a few weird looks, but they all passed it off as him drinking more coffee than he typically did. However, his excitement did not go so unnoticed by his coworkers. That, and mixed with how close he was to Shane, had tipped them off to something being up. Of course, they couldn’t resist the opportunity to make fun of the two men. 

He had started thinking about how the movie was going to be. He had done a little bit of research on it and really only knew that it was supposed to be pretty fucked up. Ryan didn’t necessarily like horror movies (if he were being honest, he hated them, but he figured it would be okay if he just hid his face in Shane’s chest), but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Once more, he thought about it while he had been teaching. He could feel himself trailing off, but he didn’t know how to keep himself on track. 

“M - Mr. Bergara?” The timid voice barely broke through the barrier of his imagination. “Mr. Bergara?” The voice asked again. This time, it was louder and he looked directly at the source of the voice. Ashley. An expression of concern was painted on her face.

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Uh…” he glanced down at the notes in his hand. “Yeah, I’m okay, why?”

A brief look that Ryan couldn’t determine crossed through her eyes, but was gone nearly as soon as it appeared. “This is the third time you’ve spaced out today.”

Ryan’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline. “H - how do you know that?”

Before Ashley could give her reply, a new voice piped up. Raj. “Mr. Bergara, you do know that if you’re absent, everyone who has you knows halfway through the first block, don’t you?”

“Y - yeah, kind of,” Ryan admitted, looking at the papers in his hands.

“So you know that word gets around, right? Especially when our teacher is acting really weird?” 

Ryan sighed, massaging his temples. “Right. I’m sorry, guys. Let’s just… I’ll put on an episode or so of  _ Bill Nye.  _ Are you guys okay with that?”

Ashley nodded. “Yeah, I think we would all prefer that?” The rest of the class murmured their agreements. 

With no further words, Ryan pulled up the show and sat back in his chair, pulling out his phone.

**To Shane:**

_ i cannot wait for tonight :)  _

_ what time should i be ready by? _

It didn’t take long for his phone to ping, a response from Shane ready.

**From Shane:**

_ shouldn’t you be teaching a class? _

**To Shane:**

_ who says i’m not? _

**From Shane:**

_ dork.  _

_ be ready at the end of the school day. there’s somewhere i want to take you before the movie. _

Ryan didn’t reply to the text. He just smiled goofily as he stared into the brightly shining eyes of Bill Nye. He didn’t want to question it. As a huge fan of surprises, he didn’t want to even give in to the temptation. Since he was distracted, he had entirely forgotten to give his students a worksheet to do while watching the show. He wasn’t sure his students would have been mad about that but by the time he realized he should have given them something to do, the episode was more than half over and wasn’t worth it.

There was only one more class to go through, then the day would be over and then he could go on his date with Shane. The butterflies were hard to contain. There was a sadness looming over him, knowing that he wouldn’t see Shane at lunch; it was something that Shane had warned him of earlier. He was used to eating his lunch alone because if all the time he had been ignoring Shane when he thought it would have been better for both of them. He had hated every second of it, but he had still managed to convince himself that it was for the better, but now that they had gone through it all together, there was nothing keeping them apart now; everything was going to be fixed, so this was going to be the equivalent of dragging Ryan’s heart through the lowest pits of hell.

Ten minutes into the forty-minute lunch break he had, he had been right in his prediction that it would have been the worst. Pretty much everyone was avoiding him, but he could feel the stares that the other teachers were giving him. They weren’t the bad stares that he would get in college or at the clubs when he would be seen with a guy, but this wasn’t something he was used to either, so he had no idea how to deal with any of this.

Occasionally, he would stop staring at his pathetic bologna sandwich to glance up and see cheeks red from holding in laughter and smirks, eyes sparkling brighter than he had ever seen the night sky. He considered asking Sara what had been going on, but he knew that she wouldn’t answer him no matter how many times he asked. That was one of the things he had gotten to know in the few weeks he had spent getting to knew her.

Sara was a locked vault when it came to secrets. It was a great thing, but it was also a blessing because it meant that she was a fantastic person to ask for help from, but it also meant that if she was keeping something from you, you would have a better chance at arguing with a wall. It would have been in his best interest if he just gave up while he was ahead and didn’t even attempt to ask her. He just grumpily took another bite out of the sandwich.

His eyes flicked towards the clock.  _ Fuck. Twenty-five minutes left,  _ he thought. At the same time, it only meant that there were two hours until the day was over and he was only that much closer to going out to the movie with Shane. He smiled stupidly at the thought.

The bell-ringing was so dull it barely passed through his eardrums. It would have been less surprising if any of the other teachers had needed to shove him over to get his attention. Ryan had been zoned out the entire rest of the lunch block. He had felt like a zombie and honestly didn’t feel like grading anything else, so when the time came for his class, he just put on a Neil DeGrasse Tyson episode, knowing those took longer to get through than an episode of Bill Nye. He intentionally forgot to give his students worksheets this time and hoped that the lawful kids wouldn’t call him on it. Thankfully, they didn’t. Everyone seemed to be gnawing on their bottom lips or staring straight with their eyes half-closed, looking like zombies 

Watching the class was boring and thankfully Ryan had managed to get all caught up on the grading he had needed to do for the end of the quarter, so he had nothing to do. He wondered if it would be considered unprofessional if he pulled out his phone. Probably, but there was nothing else for him to do, so he figured it would only be bad if the principal had managed to come down to his classroom. He bit down on his lip hard as he slipped his hand in his pocket and fumbled to get around the various keys, change, and lip balm sticks he had floating around in his pocket to get to the sleek phone.

It was cold. He hadn’t used it in a couple of hours, so it was understandable that it felt as if he was holding winter in his hands. He had opened and unopened the text chat about four times debating on sending Shane a text or not before he had decided to go through with it.

**To Shane:**

_ if i don’t get to see you soon, i think i am going to lose it :( _

The reply was much quicker than Ryan could have asked for. He glanced at the time. 1:53. He just had to make it until 2:25 and then everything would be fine. He wondered what Shane had been doing so that he had the time to respond… Perhaps he was also showing a movie? It didn’t matter. He had been so dazed by the fact that Shane had actually responded that he just stared off in the distance as the text disappeared. Secretly embarrassed, he opened the chat to see what Shane had said.

**From Shane:**

_ lunch was that boring without me, huh? _

He rolled his eyes.

**To Shane:**

_ i survived several weeks without talking to you all day, it wasn’t *too* awful, but at the same time, it was hell, please never leave me again :( _

He didn’t get an immediate reply from Shane, so he threw his phone down on the desk, burying his face behind his hands, groaning lightly. He quickly checked behind his hands to see if anyone heard him; it would have been really bad if they did. Thankfully, they didn’t, so he just continued to stare at his phone until the day had ended. He didn’t get any more texts from Shane.

Once more distracted by his thoughts, Ryan had forgotten to tell his class when they needed to clean up, so when the bell rang, it had been on Ryan to place all of the chairs on top of their desks. He didn’t mind it necessarily, but it just meant another couple of minutes that he didn’t have that much more time to meet up with Shane. Plus, he didn’t hear his phone when Shane got back to him. 

**From Shane:**

_ don’t leave your classroom. i’m going to meet you there. _

Ryan had already had his bag over his shoulder, ready to exit his classroom, but with the instruction not to, he dropped it, flinching at the loud thudding sound it made. He knew it had hundreds of papers in it, as well as a couple of books, but he still managed to forget that things had gravity and that they were going to make loud noises. They weren’t even dating yet, but was it possible for him to be whipped? Was that even the right word for him to use? He had no idea how else to put it into thoughts that he was  _ really  _ into Shane Madej. It was rather embarrassing.

He hadn’t had to wait long for Shane to arrive in his classroom after checking his phone. The man popped his head into the classroom, looking around for the science teacher. When they met each other’s eyes, Ryan hid his face behind his shoulder and Shane walked into the room, a stupid, shit-eating grin taking up half of his face. Shane’s hands were behind his back and the only sound that could be heard was Shane’s dress shoes slapping against the tiled ground.

When he was about five feet away from Ryan when he stopped. Ryan cocked his eyebrow, wondering why the man had had his hands hidden. He was about to ask, but before the words could escape his mouth, Shane pulled a bouquet of flowers out from behind his back, filled with calla lilies… Ryan’s favorite. His heart swelled with a large amount of happiness as Shane shoved them in Ryan’s direction. 

“What are these for?”

Shane looked at him, slightly confused. “Isn’t it basically not a date if I don’t provide flowers?”

Ryan shook his head, a small smile stuck on his lips. “I don’t know who or what gave you that information, but that is definitely not how it works. There don’t have to be flowers involved.”

Shane crossed his arms, but nothing about the way he was standing said that he was mad in any way, shape, or form. Ryan didn’t know if it was possible for him to be mad at Ryan. “Well, I know that when I was in the hospital and you brought me flowers and a box of chocolate, and that was supposed to be our first date, so please just let me give you these?”

Not knowing how to fight him, Ryan sighed, knowing he had been defeated. The logic was airtight and he provided two examples. “Yeah, okay, well, just know that I’m getting you more flowers on our next date.”

“Who said there was going to be another one?”

Ryan shoved him lightly. “You dick! This is already our second date and if you ask any of our coworkers or students, any of them would say we’ve been on so many dates that we’re practically ready to go and get married tomorrow.”

Shane held up his hands. “Okay, that is very true. I don’t see this ending without a third date in place, but that still doesn’t mean we should jump the gun and make assumptions for things that haven’t happened yet.”

“Oh, shove it. You love it.” Shane didn’t respond. He was just staring at Ryan, who in turn shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze. It felt weird to be flirting with him in such a public place, holding his favorite flowers, but if he hadn’t been thinking about it, it wouldn’t have made a difference to him of where they were, but as the silence drew more suffocatingly around them, Ryan was painfully aware that anyone could walk in at any moment. “So, where was it that you wanted to go before the movie?”

“I hope you didn’t have any dinner plans because I kind of may have made reservations at this really cool rooftop ramen place that I think you would really like. I know it isn’t classy to have ramen on technically the first date, but it has such a beautiful view and I was kind of hoping that that would make up for the fact that it’s totally a ramen restaurant.”

Ryan smiled at him, thankful for the amount of thought that Shane had put into it. He didn’t really like getting dressed up, of course, he would if he had to, but the less he had to do it, the better in his opinion. Going to a super casual place with a beautiful view and one of his favorite people in the whole world? Definitely more than he could ever ask for. It was basically already the perfect date, and they were still going to a movie afterward.

Shane understood him.

-

Reaching the restaurant had been easy, but Shane had really downplayed how  _ fucking gorgeous  _ the skyline was. Ryan could see far out into the California sky, the tallest building’s lights still on and the way the moon shone over them as they ate, talking quietly. Sure, the stars were bright, but Ryan didn’t think anything would ever be able to compete with just how damn blinding Shane’s smile was. It had to be pretty fucking powerful if it outshone the pitch-black sky that had been littered with tiny stars, but he knew without a doubt in his mind that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Ryan’s heart was running a mile in his body while his brain was going even faster. He could barely process what was happening around him and before he knew it, they had paid. All he could remember was a lot of laughing and holding back tears from how spicy the ramen was. He knew they had to get going if they wanted to make it to the movie on time, but he also wanted to do almost nothing more than just take a photo with Shane. He didn’t know exactly how long he had been waiting, perhaps it had been five years ago when he saw Shane for the first time, maybe it was just over two months ago when he and Shane had started talking, he didn’t know, but what he did know was that if he didn’t have a picture of them against the stars, holding each other by the waist, maybe even him kissing Shane’s cheek, he would probably cry himself to sleep for a long long while. It was weirdly important to him.

“Shane, can…” he trailed off when he saw the weird look Shane was shooting his way. He tried not to let it get to him and he swallowed audibly, trying to muster up the courage. “Can - can we take a picture?” he asked firmly, gesturing behind him, hoping Shane got the message.

A warm smiled appeared on his face. “Of course, Ry.”

It was hard to control the volcano of butterflies that had just erupted in his stomach. However, that also could have been the spice from the food, but Ryan didn’t think it was. Spice hurt his mouth briefly, but it was really never that bad, plus the feeling was familiar. Something he had felt every time Shane looked his way for the past couple of weeks. 

They shuffled together so they could both fit on the tiny phone screen, hips touching. Ryan leaned in and snaked his arm around Shane’s thin torso. He could feel Shane doing the same and just before he could do anything else, Shane’s cold lips were pressed to the top of his ear and the camera shutter was going off. He had been too surprised to make any face other than eyes wide and jaw dropped. He hadn’t recovered until he heard Shane’s gut-busting laughter next to him. 

Ryan peered at him, only to see the phone a couple of inches from his face as Shane wiped a couple of tears that were forming from the corners of his eyes.

“I take it that,” he let out another laugh, “that you w-weren’t expecting that?” Shane could barely speak through his laughter, but luckily Ryan had had enough practice to learn how to speak Shane.

Ryan’s cheeks turned bright red. “No, I wasn’t,” he mumbled, bumping Shane’s arm with his shoulder. He was aiming for Shane’s shoulder, but he was just too damn tall for Ryan. Not that he was complaining, he liked a tall boyfriend. His blush deepened at the thought.  _ Who am I, thinking of Shane as my boyfriend? One date doesn’t immediately equal boyfriends. We still have to make it through the movie.  _ He barely felt his feet dragging his body to the car as all-new worries popped up in his mind. He could feel that his nails were digging into the steering wheel, though. That was actually what had dragged him out of his thoughts. He couldn’t be driving while thinking about what would happen during the movie, there were too many lives at risk for that shit. He couldn’t get into an accident or cause another one. Fuck, if that happened, he would just lock himself in his house, quit his job, and block Shane because  _ that  _ would be the clearest sign ever that they shouldn’t be together, no matter what Shane said.

Somehow, thankfully,  _ somehow  _ Ryan had managed to get his mind  _ off  _ of Shane (for the first fucking time that day, might he add) and was able to just focus on his driving. From what he was able to gauge, the movie theatre wasn’t far from where he had driven himself, and he was honestly surprised he didn’t miss a turn or anything. That was probably one of the most impressive things he had ever managed to do if he was being honest. Not a lot about Ryan was impressive, from the way he was a total disaster gay, super caught up in his love of ghosts and conspiracy theories, definitely spent way too many Saturdays watching all the episodes of  _ Dateline  _ he could find ( _ Dateline: Unsolved  _ happened to be his ultimate favorite, though), and definitely got lost so many times that his brother actually made a pair of those “If lost return to Jake” and “I’m Jake” shirts that were constantly in fanart all over the internet, so, yeah, him driving very distractedly and not missing a single turn or anything was pretty damn impressive.

He stole a quick glance at the electronic clock in the car that lit his face green whenever it was directed at the clock. 8:15. They still had a few minutes to get to the theatres and hopefully before the previews (Ryan really liked to see what was coming up in the following year or so; in terms of movies). That was pretty good. He had felt as though dinner ran a little long, from the little he could actually remember, and he knew that taking that photo took even more time out of the time they had to get their seats and snacks, but maybe it just wasn’t as bad as Ryan had thought. Well, it clearly hadn’t been, the proof was right there on the clock, in dark green writing,

He chewed on his lip gently. He really wished that he was in the same car as Shane and could rest his hand on Shane’s thigh, maybe run his thumb over Shane’s knuckles, even kiss them if he was feeling brave enough, but alas, they had come from work, and they weren’t at the point of carpooling yet, so until then, it was all him and his thoughts. He couldn’t even remember to put on the radio half the time, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he was with Shane. The two of them had always managed to fall into a comfortable silence that ended up with them staring into each other’s eyes and grins plastered across their faces. They certainly encountered a lot of scoffs any time that they interacted in public. He’d always wanted to push his lips against Shane’s. He wondered how warm his lips would be and whether or not they would feel chapped under the pressure of his own lips as he pulled into a spot that wasn’t too far from the entrance of the theatre.

Upon their (separate) arrivals to the movie theatre, Ryan could feel his blood pumping through his ears as he tried to quickly fix his hair (although, there was nothing really wrong with it) right after he had caught a glimpse of Shane, who was walking towards him with so much purpose that Ryan thought he would melt right there on the sidewalk. He couldn’t see it, obviously, but he was more than a hundred percent positive that his face was brighter than the bright red neon sign they were standing next to. He was just hopeful that once they walked in, Shane wouldn’t notice how badly he was blushing.

Shane smiled brightly upon seeing the other man. “Hey,” he greeted, reaching his hand out to try and grasp Ryan’s. Ryan was hesitant, but he accepted the hand after a moment. “Did you get any snacks?”

Ryan looked at him incredulously. “Dude, I was waiting outside the entire time. When would I have had the time to go in and buy snacks?”

Shane rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“It’s no big deal, sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. I’m just really on edge.”

“I can see that, buddy,” Shane mumbled, ruffling Ryan’s hair as he pulled Ryan into his chest. Ryan’s eyes were wide and his entire body was tense. He really hoped that Shane didn’t notice, or if he did that he didn’t think anything of it. God, that would be embarrassing.

When Ryan pulled back, he didn’t know what to say, but the last thing he wanted was to be left alone with his thoughts. “Right,” he said a little bit too loudly, pulling his hand away from Shane’s grip, only to clap his own, “so, the tickets… they have the seat numbers on them?”

Ryan took a peek at Shane and the second he did, he wished he hadn’t. The look of pure devastation rang clear on Shane’s face and as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Ryan knew  _ he  _ was the cause of it. He bit the inside of his cheek and made the hasty decision to grab Shane’s hand again. It was warm. Warmer than Ryan remembered from just a second ago. It reminded him of the best summer days and it took everything in him to not hum right there. He did see the look on Shane’s face faltering into something a little bit more put together than the broken, dejected look he just had on.

Shane’s eyes lingered on Ryan for a second before his hand flew around to slap his back pockets for a moment before pulling out two thin strips of paper. “Yeah,” he whispered. “They’re right here.”

Ryan smiled brightly and leaned into Shane’s chest and just listened to his heartbeat. Shane took that instance to take his hand back from Ryan’s grip, which left Ryan’s hand cold and lonely, but immediately wrapped both of his arms tightly around Ryan and pressed his lips into Ryan’s hair. It felt like they had been together for years, hell, in Ryan’s fantasy, that would be their anniversary date because they had been married for several years. In that world, they didn’t get to love each other like that often because their work was strict about no PDA and their kids hated seeing them kissing or hugging. It was just the two of them against the world and there was nothing more that Ryan had wanted more than for that to be the truth. However, no matter how much he wished or dreamed, they would still have to go through their entire relationship for that day. They may have been on their first date, but everything felt so natural as if they had been like that for years.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Shane pulled back and left Ryan pouting at the chill off the movie theatre. If only Shane would hold him forever…

“We should probably get to the movie, right? I think it’s starting soon?” Ryan couldn’t find the strength in himself to give a verbal response, so he just opted for nodding.

-

Normally, Ryan probably would have been at least a little bit more embarrassed at the fact that he hid in Shane’s chest for over half of the movie, but with the way that Shane’s strong arm was snaked around Ryan’s waist, trying to keep the smaller man from falling out of fear, nothing else was important at that moment. Not the fact that they had seen several of their students or the fact that they were in public, or that Ryan was slowly admitting to himself that he was head over heels in love with Shane.

“Are you going to be okay to drive home? If you’re not, I can just drive you myself and bring you back tomorrow to get your car…” How thoughtful, Shane was always trying to be the best he could. Ryan took a step back, stumbling over his feet a little bit, for no other reason than that he felt weird being that close to Shane.

“N-no… I… I think I should be okay…” Ryan said, shuffling under the weight of Shane’s gaze. 

He could see that Shane didn’t want to let him go like that when he had just been bawling his eyes out from how fucking creepy the entire thing was. He had known it was supposed to be a horror flick, but  _ nothing  _ in the world could have ever properly prepared him for  _ that.  _ He supposed it would have been pathetic if he kept Shane from going home because he could feel the fear coursing through his bones, so he just waved Shane off.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can get for you?”

Ryan gave him a wavering smile. “I’ll be okay.” He paused, thinking for a second. “Actually… there is one thing I think you might be able to give me…”

Shane stared at Ryan expectantly, but he got nothing further. At least, not at first. It took a second to register that Ryan smelled really good and strong because Ryan was right there, under his nose, Ryan’s lips pressed to his, his shirt bunched up in Ryan’s fists as Ryan pulled Shane down to him. There was an unfair amount of passion in that small kiss and Shane had wished there had been a warning so that he could have met the level of passion that was nearly pushing him over.

It was then when both of them realized they would have rather been at their homes instead of in public.

Ryan pulled back, gasping for air.

“So,” he started, not wanting to address the fact that he just attacked Shane’s face. In public. With his own face. “Is there going to be a third date?”

  
Shane recomposed himself, smirking. “Oh,” he scoffed. “ _ There will be a third date.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow um  
> holy fuCK  
> this ended up being S O FU CK IN G L O N G i am S O R RY  
> but diddly damn  
> i loVED writing this chapter  
> i cant tell u how much i want them to be togther already  
> but this gotta be tru to a slowburn so soz  
> hopefully u enjoy  
> im doing a new writing challenge so uh  
> ill be writing a lot, some for my wip, some for this, but   
> expect the next couple of chapters,  
> also HOLY FUCK THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K READS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THIS IS MY MOST READ FIC IM CRYING  
> THANK YOU FOR THE ENDLESS SUPPORT FOR THIS :D


	13. Chapter 13

Ever since the date, Ryan had gotten a lot bolder. He hadn’t kissed Shane since the date, which was five days ago at this point, but he was smiling at him more and even holding his hand during lunches. They didn’t talk to each other much, but when they did, everyone could make fun of them. It made sense, they were the talk of the school, it was hard not to be -- two male teachers hitting it off like that? Where else would that happen? 

While things were going great between them, they still had a lot that they needed to talk about, and a lot of getting to know each other to do. Neither one had wanted to admit it, but the other teachers (and a couple of students) sure were quick to. Their favorite things to point out were that it took Ryan a whole four weeks to get Shane’s first name (and that had only been  _ after  _ Shane  _ told him what his name was)  _ and the time that Shane didn’t know Ryan was allergic to bananas when he gave him a smoothie and Ryan had to teach with hives the rest of the day. They knew each other deeply, but not by any means that meant they were friends, not knowing the basic things about each other. Maybe it was okay to the two of them, but if they kept their relationship up like that, things were never going to work out between the two of them.

It had been a Friday one day after school, right after the basketball team met that it all went down. The a couple of girls from the girl’s volleyball team, some of the boys’ basketball and less than half of the boys’ baseball team, a couple of teachers, and a few other random students that had either Ryan, Shane, or both had decided to do something about the fact that they barely knew each other on a superficial level. Like, while Shane had known that after Ryan’s dad had told him to be a normal boy when he was eight, he spent four weeks trying to learn everything he could about basketball (his dad’s favorite sport) and then ended up supporting the Lakers, he also didn’t know whether or not Ryan had a dog (he did, by the way, her name was Cherry and she was seventeen months old). 

There had been a surprising amount of coordination between everyone (in total, it was about fifteen people) to make this all work. They had figured out that that particular Friday was the only day that basketball, baseball, and volleyball all met. It also just happened to work out for everyone else who was involved. The plan was simple. They just needed to lure Ryan and Shane into the gym after they finished their tutoring sessions and then they would play one of those stupid ice breaker activities that the teachers always made the students play on the first day back to school. It had been the students' idea; their own little way to get back at the teachers, playing awkward games to get to know one another.

It was had been rather easy to trick both of them into getting to the gym. Ryan was dragged there by the basketball team, begging him to play with them, as he was notorious throughout his classes for playing really well, and no matter how hard he tried, Ryan could never find it in himself to say no to anyone, no matter how badly he wanted to go back home.

Opposingly, Shane had just wandered his way in there, maybe to watch Ryan play, no one knew. He didn’t say, but it made the girl’s job a lot easier. They had conspired to ask him to do a group study session in the gym, but if they didn’t have to try on their acting shoes, they were perfectly fine, as it was sports they were good at, not theatrics.

The second that Ryan’s eyes had landed on Shane, who had been leaned up against the doorway, his arms crossed, watching Ryan as if he were a proud father, Ryan froze. He suddenly forgot how to move his body and the ball rolled away from him. Of course, the boys stopped running, to see why the teacher had stopped dribbling. When they discovered that it had been Shane watching them, they all shared a small smirk. They had figured it was going to be easy to get them to play along, but they didn’t know just how easy it really would be.

“Hey,” one of the boys (Ryan thought his name was Aiden, but he wasn’t really sure), “uh, so I’m pretty tired, and I think George said he was too, so I think we’re going to sit down?”

One of the other boys, probably George, crossed his arms as his eyebrows crinkled. “I’m not tired, though?” The first boy coughed and George dropped his arms quickly and looked at Ryan as though he were a deer caught in headlights. “Riiiight,” he said overdramatically, dragging out the “i.” “I forgot just how exhausted I am. The practice was rough today.” 

Ryan knew something was going on, but he didn’t really know what. He wanted to play along. “Yeah, now would probably be a good time for everyone to take a breather, huh?” he said casually, already making his way over to a set of some chairs that had been set up around the gym in a circle. They hadn’t been there when Ryan first got to the gym, but he didn’t recall seeing anyone set them down. In any case, his body really was tired, aching in all sorts of places and the chairs were closer than the bleachers, so he would rather sit there sooner than need to walk to the bleachers. Even if that was were some of his students were studying diligently for his next test or some of his teacher friends had been sitting. 

It didn’t go unnoticed by him that when he started walking, all of their attention had snapped to him. He felt like he was in a horror movie. He shivered. A couple of them stood up and one of the teachers grabbed a volleyball that was just chilling on one of the seats. It had writing all over it. As he got closer to the circle of chairs, people stopped by the circle, slowly removing chairs until only two were remaining.

Ryan took one chair and he saw that one of the kids from the basketball team (he wanted to say that kid’s name was Troy, but he also could have been confusing it with the guy from  _ High School Musical  _ because they looked vaguely alike and they both played basketball in red uniforms) was guiding Shane towards the other chair.

It wasn’t long before the two of them were sitting across from one another awkwardly looking into each other’s eyes before blushing and hastily looking away. “Boys,” one of the teachers called. Their heads snapped in her direction. “It’s important that both of you pay attention to this,” she said sternly, as though she were lecturing a class, not two of her coworkers.

Ryan nodded shyly, which earned him a warm smile from the other teacher. He didn’t recognize her, but he figured she had a lot of Shane’s and his students. Either that, or she was friends with Sara, who definitely liked to talk about the two of them. Perhaps he even recognized her from when all of the teachers went to go visit Shane in the hospital. In any event, he didn’t actively remember who she was, but that didn’t mean that she was not someone that Ryan didn’t know at all.

When she was satisfied that both Ryan and Shane were paying their full attention to her, she began speaking again. “You two are good friends, it seems. You two know each other the deep things about the other, but you don’t know the surface level things, so if you want this relationship to work between the two of you, you are going to have to play these games that we all set up to make sure you get to know the basics of one another, is that clear?” She waited until she had either verbal or physical confirmation that both of them had heard her before continuing once more. “You will play a couple of rounds of two different games, starting with this volleyball game. One of your thumbs will land on a question. You are to answer the question your thumb lands on. If it doesn’t distinctly land on one of them, you will choose the one that is closest to your thumb. If it lands on several questions, choose one of them.”

Ryan raised his hand. The teacher pointed at him with both of her hands around the volleyball. “Yes, Mr. Bergara?”

“Is there literally anything else we can do?”

“Why?”

“I hate how much this reminds me of those stupid ice breaker games we have to play at the beginning of the year,” he admitted, sheepishly, the tips of his ears turning red as he tried to his behind his blazer jacket.

The teacher simply smiled. “That is why these games were chosen, Mr. Bergara. This was up to the students and this was their decision, and I’m terribly sorry, but you have no choice but to participate. Is that clear?”

Ryan sighed, dropping his head. “Yes.”

“Thank you. May we continue now?”

Ryan waved a dismissive hand and the teacher tossed the ball at Shane.

-

Ryan could have sworn the teacher said they would only play a couple of rounds, but they were about six rounds into the volleyball game before Shane asked how many more questions they had to answer. 

“Honestly, I was kind of hoping both of you could answer all of the questions on the volleyball? Is that too much to ask for?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and he met Shane’s big brown ones. “Yes,” they said in unison, starting to get annoyed with the childish games.

Not only was it really embarrassing needing to do it in front of fifteen people, but Ryan had to take care of his pet bunny and grade a bunch of papers and he knew that Shane had to get home to feed his cat. “Is there any way we can speed this up?” Ryan asked. “I know I have things to do at home, and I don’t know definitively about Shane, but I’m sure he also has some things he needs to take care of.”

Shane cleared his throat at Ryan’s words, and something in Ryan made him feel as though he took it a step too far, assuming that Shane had something to do. “Y - yeah, please? Obi needs food, it’s been a while since I fed him.” He checked his watch.

Everyone in the gym looked defeated. They knew the teachers were busy, but they just wanted everything to work out between the two of them. Yeah, there were probably better ways they could have gone about it, but this was the way they had chosen and they wanted it to go all the way, but it was true that they couldn’t keep the teachers there all night, no matter how much they wanted to. Honestly, it probably would have been a lot less awkward if the two of them had been in control of what they were talking about and weren’t being watched like hawks. They all felt a little bad, but not really enough to actually want to do something about what they had done. “Okay,” one of the girls from Ryan’s fourth block class spoke up, “you guys can go.”

Everyone in the room collectively exhaled and started to gather their stuff. While it had been exciting to watch happen, it was also really painful because they did force them to do it and it was starting to get late. Everyone who wasn’t a teacher or senior had several missed calls and texts from their parents asking where they were. Perhaps it would have gone better if they considered everything.

Ryan and Shane seemed to have the same idea of making sure everyone had a ride or a way to get home before going to collect their own belongings.

Ryan hiked his bag on his shoulder, folding his coat over his arm. It had been fairly warm out that evening. He smiled fondly as he watched the third to last car leave the parking lot. He was about to go himself when he noticed that Shane was still standing there. He figured they should discuss what had happened. How fucking weird it was. 

“Hey, Shane,” he said softly.

Shane looked at him. “So, that whole thing?”

“That was really awkward, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, thank God that I’m not the only one who thought that!” Shane cried dramatically, causing Ryan to laugh.

“Believe me, that was  _ not  _ the way I had wanted to get to meet you. I could have just as easily invited you back to my place and offered you a beer or something.”

At that, Shane smiled. “At least you have taste,” Shane said.

“Oh?”

“I wouldn’t mind going back to your place.”

Ryan smiled, showing off his teeth. He rarely smiled like that. “Let’s go then,” he said while taking a step closer to Shane.

He pushed himself onto his tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss to Shane’s warm lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :/// i feel like these are just getting shittier :////
> 
> also i wrote this a couple of days ago and today in english class we did this stupid activity and i literally cried from anxiety whoo  
> but yeah  
> these suck so this is my fuck you to the teachers that do that  
> (minus my english teacher bc he is precious i love him someone please protect him)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so the typos in the texts look like they were accidents but they were on purpose beacuse who texts perfectly

Sara met Ryan in front of his classroom. He raised his eyebrow, what the hell she could  _ possibly  _ want from him so damn early in the morning. “Hello?” he questioned as he unlocked the door for his early students.

“Hey, Ry, you like me right?” His eyebrows disappeared further into his hairline. A couple of students passing by looked alarmed like they thought they had just walked in on something inappropriate.

“Why?” His arms folded tightly and professionally over his muscular chest.

“Can you pretty please ghost on top do me a huge, huge favor?” Sara was pouting and Ryan could feel the disgusting feeling that had pooled in his stomach bubbling up.

He sighed, dropping his head. He was still propping the door open with his foot. “Depends.” He raised his head. “How did you know I like ghosts?”

Sara rolled her eyes. “You aren’t very secretive about it, bud.” She put her hands on Ryan’s shoulders to focus him. “So, will you do me a favor?”

Ryan stared at her expectantly. When she didn’t expand further, he prompted her. “Yeah, um, tell me what it is that you want me to do first and  _ maybe  _ I’ll say yes?”

“Fine, so I was scheduled to do detention--” Oh, God. He knew what was coming.

“Nope. Sorry.” Ryan held up his hand. The last thing he wanted to do was spend his Friday night doing a job that could basically be boiled down to a glorified babysitting job of the troublemakers. Of course, he would if he had to, but if he had the choice, he was going to say no. Sara’s frown deepened. 

“Please, Ryan. I’m desperate. My sister is having surgery and needs me to take her home after.”

“Okay, how is this my problem?” he asked, still unconvinced as to why he should sacrifice his own time.

“Please let me go, you’re my last hope,” he pleaded, pouting deeper still. Ryan was finding it increasingly more difficult to decline her begging.

He sucked in a deep breath. “Fine, but you owe me big time.”

Sara threw her arms around Ryan. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she squealed in his ear. More of his students threw weird looks their way. Ryan had a difficult time trying to peel her off of his body. She had a stronger grip than he had anticipated, but before he had managed to finally pull her off of him, she managed to whisper, “Shane will be there.” 

When he had managed to wrench her off of him, his face was bright red.

“I hate you,” Ryan muttered.

Sara turned to skip away. “No you don’t,” she called behind her back.

It was later that day, when it mattered, that Ryan realized he didn't actually know where the detention room was. He had tried texting Sara to find out, but when she wasn't answering him, he presumed that she was driving and wouldn't have the ability to text him back. He let out a long string of curses under his breath when he realized that he would have to reach out to Shane, seeing as Shane was the only other teacher had the number of.

When he made that second realization, he suddenly understood how everyone thought that he was a new teacher. He hadn't had to run detention once in the five years he had been there and he barely spoke to anyone. He was definitely more of an observer and he groaned. How could he fight them when he didn't even take yearbook photos? He essentially had no proof that he had, in fact, been a teacher for the past five years. Hell, he had even misplaced his diploma. That was something that set him back a little back. He had to reevaluate if he really had been teaching at the school for five years. 

He shook his head as he pulled out his phone and punched in Shane's number. It rang a lot longer than Ryan wanted it to and he was just about to hang up and try again when Shane answered on one of the last rings. "Hello?" He sounded out of breath and it took the wind out of Ryan. It was just so fucking sexy to hear him like that. "Ry? You okay?"

Ryan cleared his throat. "Yeah, um, I'm fine, but, uh, so Sara convinced me to take over detention for her tonight because she had something to do, but she said that you would be there, but the thing is I've never had to watch over the detention before, so I don't know where it's held, um, basically I was wondering if you would be kind enough to find it in your heart to tell me where the hell in this big ass school it is?"

Shane just chuckled gruffly into the phone. "Hey! What the hell is so funny?"

"Nothing, just, why did you say that all in one breath? You reminded me more of my nephew trying to explain why it was my cat who knocked something over instead of him who did the bad thing more than a new teacher looking for a classroom."

"SHANE!" Ryan screeched. "I AM NOT NEW! YOU KNOW THIS!"

"Mm, you see, but actually I don't." Ryan could hear the fucking smirk on his face and he wanted to do nothing more than just fucking wipe it off his smug ass face. Ryan liked a lot of things about Shane, he really did, but that definitely had to be the absolute most annoying thing about him, that he always felt the need to rub it in your face if he could find proof of something and you couldn't (source: any time Ryan has ever tried to prove ghosts real to him).

"Whatever. Will you just fucking tell me where this classroom is?"

"Hey! Watch your mouth, are there any students around you?" Ryan rolled his eyes, but he looked around. 

"No, there aren't. Now, spit it out before I delete and block your number, asshole." Ryan was starting to get really frustrated with Shane because of how he was acting. If he wanted to pull this shit that made him look like a child, then that was perfectly fine with Ryan. He had absolutely no problem treating Shane as though he were, in fact, a child. 

Shane chuckled again and Ryan wished he could punch Shane in his stupid face. He swore he liked him, though, he just really hated when he already had a bad day and then Shane didn't make anything better by acting like one of the biggest douches on the entire planet. "Fine, fine. It's just in D305. I'm already here, but I don't have a key and the students are waiting. If you could grab a janitor or hall monitor or someone on your way over, that would be fantastic, thank you."

Hearing that, Ryan could feel every emotion he was feeling intensify. He didn't know exactly what he was feeling, but he did know that it wasn't a good combination for a living Shane. "Shane! Why would you wait to tell me that?!" he tried to scold, but when the tone beeped at him, he realized that Shane had fucking hung upon him. That was it. He was either going to kill Shane or he was going to brutally kill Shane. He hadn't decided yet.

Ryan had been about halfway to where he needed to be when his phone beeped. He pulled it out.

**From Sara:**

_it's in d305 did i forget to tell you that? my bad sry dude_

_Wow, late much?_ he thought sarcastically. He knew it wasn't her fault, but he still couldn't help being annoyed with her. She was the one who had gotten him in that situation, after all, so he felt like he had a valid reason to be annoyed with her, even if no one else agreed with him. He was about to put his phone back in his pocket when a more interesting, more important text came through.

**From Shane:**

_don't bother any of the hall monitors, one of the janitors came by and let us in. don't worry i didn't let any of the delinquents speak so that they didn't violate the rules of detention._

**From Shane:**

_wow i am so good at looking over children_

**To Shane:**

_you are never babysitting my future children..._

**From Shane:**

_wow, harsh much?_

Ryan smiled stupidly at the text.

**To Shane:**

_nah, not harsh enough in my opinion._

Shane didn't reply, but it didn't matter because he had finally found his way in front of the room that he was supposed to be in. He suddenly felt nervous about going in. he tried to smooth out his hair and fix his tie. He felt silly, like a little school girl that had a stupid little crush on one of his classmates. Except, he was a grown man and the classmate he had a crush on happened to be a fellow teacher. God, the things he would do to just jump ship and die right then and there...

His phone pinged.

**From Shane:**

_so are you coming in or are you just going to try and make yourself look pretty the entire time?_

**_From Shane:_ **

_by the way, you look fine. stop messing with your hair you're making it look like you just had sex._

Ryan bit his lip. He wished that he just had sex with Shane. His eyes widened at that thought. Jesus Christ. What was going on with him? Was he really that much of a whore? He blushed furiously as he opened the door. "Sorry," he mumbled, trying to rid himself of his wants and wishes as he sat down next to Shane.

He looked around the room. There was no posters or anything that told him what the rules were. It actually just looks like one of the normal old language classrooms, this one looked like it was a French classroom. Hell, he didn't even know what time the detention was supposed to get out. Then he moved his eyes to the students. They all looked pretty normal, except for one girl who looked close to tears.

"So, uh," Ryan asked gently. "What are the rules here? I don't know how to run detention. Also," he pointed at the girl who looked like she was about to have a mental breakdown, "is she okay? Is there anything I'm supposed to do? Is there anything I _can_ do?"

Shane just shook his head sadly. "Basically, they can't really talk to us that much and we aren't really supposed to talk to them. They can't go on their phones or talk to each other. They can do their homework, go to the bathroom, but only for five minutes, they can sleep. They aren't supposed to eat, but I usually let them. We get out at 5:30 and I know a lot of them, especially the athletes, can't wait that long for food, so I usually pull some snacks from the closet and give that to them." Shane gestured over to a box that had a variety of chips in it. "As for the students who are close to mental breakdowns, there isn't a whole lot we can do. We aren't supposed to let them go anywhere, not to teachers or to their counselors, and we aren't supposed to have conversations with them, so they just kind of have to get through it. It'll be okay," he said in a voice that didn't really make him sound so sure of himself. It just made Ryan even more uneasy. He regretted this immediately.

"Are we allowed to talk to each other?"

Shane nodded, pulling out his phone. Ryan nodded, even though Shane wasn't even paying attention to him. He pulled out his own phone. He scrolled through Twitter for a little bit, but he got bored pretty quickly. Nothing was going on and he only followed a couple of accounts, so there weren't constant updates, either. It really made the whole ordeal sort of boring. He could check Instagram, but he knew that he usually found that app even more boring than Twitter, so instead of checking Instagram, he composed a Tweet.

**Ryan Bergara @lakers4lyfe**

_ugh running detention for the first time since i got to this school with @obisfather_

Shane looked at Ryan when he saw the Tweet. "Really?" He nudged Ryan's leg with his knee. Ryan smiled gently and nudged him back.

Ryan turned back to his phone. 

**To Shane:**

_i thought of what we could do for our third official fate_

**From Shane:**

_fate?_

**To Shane:**

_typo; meant date._

**To Shane:**

_i know technically we've had four dates, you know, the first one, where you got sent to the hospital, the second one where we actually went on our first (1st) date, then the third is if you count the students and teachers that forced us to do those stupid fucking first day of school ice breaker games._

**From Shane:**

_but you said four. what;s the fourth?_

Ryan rolled his eyes and nudged Shane with his knee. Shane was really good at being the most annoying brat Ryan had ever known. Shane shoved him back. Ryan snickered and he heard a student scoff. He quickly tried to compose himself again.

**To Shane:**

_ah ah ah i was gettiNG THERE_

**To Shane:**

_the fourth would be after that horrific event in the gym. when we were drinking beers at my place and getting to know each other but on our own terms?_

**From Shane:**

_but what if i don't count the alleged third date a date per se but more of an unfortunate kidnapping_

**To Shane:**

_then you are a sad sad man and i hope you feel better soon you sad sad man :(_

**To Shane:**

_but anyways i was thinking for our second official, technically third to fifth depending on how you look at the situation, we could go out to a nicer place than a rooftop ramen place_

**To Shane:**

_don't get me wrong i really liked the ramen place but i want to take you somewhere classier_

**To Shane:**

_like a taco bell._

Shane couldn't help but snort at that text. They had been fairly okay with keeping it down because Ryan had felt really guilty knowing that he could talk but the students couldn't for three hours, so instead he had opted for texting Shane and they had been pretty good. Aside from when they would bump each other's legs instead of actually sitting up and nudging them in the ribs like a normal person. They certainly were not normal people and everything they did showed that, but when Shane burst out laughing, Ryan's ears went pink and tried to hush him.

That was also when all of their issues started. One of the smart ass students that didn't think they belonged in the detention spoke up. "Can you guys get, like, a fucking room or something and stop being so openly gay, like damn?"

That stopped all the joy Ryan and Shane had been having and the tension grew quite heavily. Ryan looked down while Shane handled the problem. "Taylor, you know that I'm going to have to write you up for that, right?"

"Whatever," the girl replied, flinging her backpack that had about thirty pins on it over her exposed shoulder. She moved some bright green hair behind a heavily pierced ear and walked out of the room.

"Fuck," Shane whispered and stood up from his seat at the desk. Ryan just watched as Shane chased after her, knowing that it wouldn't be smart if he also got up and left the students alone. Someone had to watch over them and that someone just so happened to be Ryan for that moment. He looked at all of the students in the room and they just stared back at him, wide-eyed and a couple of mouths were open. Even the girl who looked like she was going to start sobbing had looked more shocked than upset for the first time since Ryan had seen her.

Ryan just looked back down and started playing with his fingers, unsure of what to do. He didn't think he could even really do _anything._ He just wasn't allowed to. "Um," he said, definitely panicked. He looked at the clock. 3:22. School had been out for about an hour. He glanced at the box of chips on the desk. "If you're hungry I guess you can take something if you want to?" A couple of students came up and grabbed a bag of chips and sat back down. None of them opened it immediately.

\------

Shane returned to the classroom without the students that had run off about ten minutes later. No one had said anything and Ryan hadn't texted. Shane texted him once, but he just couldn't find it in himself to respond. He didn't want any of the other students to think that something was going on and have another outburst like that, so he figured it would just be better if he pulled back. At least, for the last two hours of the detention. Even if he just wanted to sit on Shane's lap and kiss him all over his face and kiss his neck and hold his hand. The only thing that kept him from doing that was what he was telling himself. he was repeating a mantra of _Time and place, time and place, time and place._ If he were being honest, it hurt him, but he knew that he couldn't just around kissing whoever he wanted to whenever he wanted. That would cause so many issues it was kind of ridiculous. Plus, these students were already going through enough, they didn't need another teacher shoving it down their throats that they had more rights than them.

He had been staring at the same spot on the ground for maybe six minutes when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked over and saw Shane. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

Ryan didn't respond. Instead, he moved his shoulder out from under Shane's touch and scooted his chair so he was even further away from Shane. He knew Shane saw him, but he didn't care. The student's comfort was more important at that moment. 

They stayed that far away from each other for the rest of the time that the detention was running. They didn't speak to each other until all the students had left the room and they were certain no one was coming back. That took about ten minutes. Ryan was still fixated on that one spot he found earlier.

Shane sat on the desk in front of him and ultimately ruined his concentration by putting his foot right where Ryan had been staring. That was the only thing that got him to look up. Other than that, he felt weird being with Shane, and then he was angry with himself. He didn't know how or why his thoughts were changing so quickly. He knew it wasn't fair to himself or to Shane. They weren't together officially at that point, but Shane didn't deserve to be ignored like that. He did nothing wrong. It was just years of bottling his feelings up and ignoring them and Ryan's own insecurities. Ryan wanted nothing more than to just ask Shane out and go out with him regularly for them to live together and adopt children because he saw that kind of happy life with Shane like that, but he didn't think he could make himself do it. He wasn't in a stable enough place for Shane. 

Shane deserved better than him.

"Ryan," Shane said, catching Ryan at a confusing enough point that he had actually been able to pull Ryan out of his thoughts. Ryan looked at him and tried to look away, but Shane gripped his chin tightly, forcing him to look at him. "I need you to talk to me."

Ryan tried to pull his face away, but Shane's grip only got tighter. "Is this about what Taylor said?" Ryan's lack of a response proved to be enough for Shane because it just caused another one of Shane's long ramble speeches. "Look, Ry, she didn't mean what she said. She just has angry outbursts a lot and causes a lot of trouble for my class. She says a lot of things she doesn't mean and I can promise you that she definitely does not have any problems with gay couples. She has two fathers. It would be pretty hypocritical for her to not believe in gay marriage when you were raised by it, huh?" 

The small smile that Ryan gave him was probably the worst reaction he ever could have given because Shane noticed and continued his speech, but harder than before if that was even possible. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. She's just having a tough time at home and she's taking it out on everyone around her and unfortunately, because we are the ones that are around her all day, she takes it out on us teachers, and I was the one who got her in trouble. She hates being in detention, so she was just angry. I'm not excusing her actions, but I am telling you that she did not mean what she said. I promise you. You do not need to pull away from me."

Ryan looked at him quizzically. "H - how did you know I was pulling away?"

Shane just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Are you fucking kidding me? Ry, you physically pulled away from my touch and you keep trying to avoid looking my way. That is the definition of pulling away. I am not stupid, okay?"

Ryan looked down, but not out of fear this time. "You're such a dork, Madej," he commented, looking back up at Shane.

"Says you with your stupid ghost theories!" Shane countered. There was a comfortable silence that had fallen over them. "Okay, so, then, what was your idea going to be for our date?"

Ryan's eyes lit up at the mention of their date. "Oh! Right! So, you know how you don't believe in ghosts?"

"You mean like any normal and sane person? Yeah."

"Whatever, anyway, I was thinking that maybe we could go hunting for ghosts on a date? That is, only if you want to." That was something Ryan did a lot. Get shy after suggesting something he was really passionate about and then trying to play it off like his idea didn't matter.

Shane grabbed his chin again. "I would love that," he said while leaning in to press a kiss to Ryan's lips. "Wow, your lips are so soft," he mumbled into the kiss, causing Ryan to giggle.

When they pulled back, Ryan grabbed Shane's hand and started rubbing his thumb over Shane's knuckles. "Your hands make me feel really safe, you know."

"They do?"

"Yeah," Ryan mumbled.

"Why do they do that?"

Ryan shrugged. He wasn't really sure, but he knew that whenever he was holding Shane's hand, he felt like he could go against anything in the world and make it out alive. Shane meant a lot to him and he didn't want to let him go, no matter what. Perhaps he would take that risk. He would leap and do the thing he feared the most.

He glanced up at Shane. "Hey, Shane?"

"Yes, Ry?"

The butterflies fluttered around in his stomach so much that they made their way up to his chest. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He wanted to cry, but he knew he had to ask. He would hate himself forever if he didn't. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Shane didn't answer. Ryan looked at his face and saw the goofiest grin plastered across his face. "Of course I will, you dork."

Shane leaned down and kissed Ryan passionately. 

Once again, Ryan was feeling pretty fucking brave.


	15. Chapter 15

It was weird for Ryan. To return to school and see Shane, knowing that they were together. They had spent the past four months just messing around with each other, and Ryan had been trying not to catch feelings for him, which he had (obviously) failed at. And Shane knew that he was uncomfortable with it, and he was trying to make Ryan as comfortable as possible. 

Being around the students was difficult for the both of them, knowing that their students knew that they were together and would take every chance they could to make fun of them for it. How it started off with Ryan not knowing Shane's name and trying for weeks, if not months, trying to find out what it was, of course, with Shane actively trying to make sure Ryan couldn't find out what his name was.

It was sort of a funny story if they were to think back on it; certainly unique, but Ryan just wanted to hold his boyfriend's hand if he wanted to -- not needing to worry about uncomfortable students or co workers or bosses that would send lengthy, strongly worded emails about how inappropriate their behavior had been.

That was why Ryan had decided to pull off the best date Shane had ever been on. Ultimately, it would be a recreation of their first date, except this time, it would actually happen and no one would end up in the hospital (hopefully; it was best case scenario). And that was the reason why Ryan didn't really talk to Shane a whole lot on the day of their big date. 

\--

Every time Shane would send a text to Ryan, it would either be left on read or reacted to, and the biggest reply he had gotten from Ryan was when Shane had asked if they were still on for that night. Ryan had responded with a simple, _yup,_ and then went straight back to basically ignoring Shane. He frowned as he held up his phone, debating whether or not to send another text. The last one he had sent had been four hours ago, and Ryan hadn't even opened it yet. 

There shouldn't have been any reason to not have opened it, the day was over, so he certainly wasn't teaching a class, and Ryan (usually) would have texted him if he was staying after to help a student, but with how weird Ryan had been, Shane hoped Ryan wasn't mad at him. He bit his lip and locked his phone before sliding it into his back pocket. 

He pushed himself away from his desk, sparing a glance at the piles of papers he needed to grade. There were worksheets and tests everywhere and he couldn't exactly remember what he had already assigned or not, his usually neat piles were all over the place and mixing together, creating a whirlwind of confusion that nearly mimicked exactly how Shane's thoughts felt. As Shane looked at the messy desk, agitation boiled in up in his stomach, and he looked away. He couldn't stand looking at the mess laid out in front of him.

He sighed and started packing everything he needed to bring home with him. He figured that he would pack up his bag and check the teacher's lounge, see if Ryan was there or if anyone knew where he was. It was a slow and painful process, the only sound he could hear was the clacking of high heels against the tiled ground. Shane considered sending another text to Ryan. 

He slung his bag over his shoulder, deciding against the text. Besides, it was only five thirty, and he would be seeing Ryan in two hours anyways. That was, if Ryan didn't cancel on him. It was all he was hoping for at that point; that he would still get to see his boyfriend later on that night.

Unsure whether he was more pissed off or upset, Shane started to make his way down the hall. His bag was slung over his shoulder and his knuckles were white from gripping it so tightly. His body was unusually tight as he walked down the hall.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, but it wasn't Ryan's text tone and Shane couldn't bring himself to care. Just Twitter. His walking slowed down even further. It took him four times as long, but Shane finally made his way down to the teacher's lounge. There were only three teachers in there.

They all turned his way and his cheeks flushed. "Hey, sorry, um, I was just wondering if you've seen Ryan?" All three of them gave him a blank stare. "You know, biology teacher, sort of new, believes in aliens, really young, short?"

Shane could see the recognition spark behind one of the girls' eyes. "Oh! You mean Bergara? Yeah, he left a couple of hours ago. Said he had some big plans for the night that he needed to get started on. He seemed excited about it," she said. She paused for a moment before adding, "he's not new, by the way. He's been here for years."

Big plans? Surely he hadn't meant their date, they were just watching a movie and getting Chinese takeout. Huh, what else could Ryan have been talking about? Shane's already sour mood turned further, now reaching the points of curdled or spoiled. Tears pricked his eyes and needles began poking his nose as he tried to hold it back. Shane flashed the girl a tight-lipped and pained smile. "Thanks," he whispered, ducking out of the teacher's lounge.

Shane's phone buzzed again, except this time, it was Ryan's text vibration. Too hurt to check his messages, Shane bowed his head and sped up his pace. Why Ryan now had the balls to message Shane after ignoring him all day, he didn't know, but it was pathetic and he better have had a damn good excuse. Shane just... wasn't ready to hear what it was just yet.

Shane didn't stop walking until he got to his card. He slammed the door shut behind him and he allowed the tears to silently flow from his eyes. Since he needed the GPS, he figured he would check Ryan's text. Or... texts, as there were several in Shane's notification center. It was more than Shane was expecting.

**From Ryan:**

_baby, please come over_

**From Ryan:**

_i'm sorry i didnt talk to you a whole lot today_

**From Ryan:**

_ur still coming over right?_

Shane couldn't hold back the scoff. He rolled his eyes.

**To Ryan:**

_yeah im still coming, on my way now._

**To Ryan:**

_you owe me a huge explanation when i get to your house._

**From Ryan:**

_youll see when you get here._

_Doubtful_ , Shane thought, but he wanted to give Ryan the benefit of the doubt. He really didn't know what it was that Ryan had planned, but he was hoping that he wouldn't regret it. He sighed as he set up the navigation system and put the car in reverse.

His drive was rather uneventful, too pissed off to even put on the music he would normally listen to and pulling into Ryan's driveway, he didn't even want to get out of his car, but when he saw that Ryan was standing in the doorway with a look of confusion plastered on his face, he couldn't resist anymore and Shane got out of the car.

The one thing about that night that Shane would always deny, no matter how obvious was the fact that when he hugged Ryan, his teeth were clenched and he was tense. There was no way that Ryan couldn't feel how hard the muscles in his back were. He felt bad, but he couldn't help it. How else was he supposed to react when his boyfriend had been avoiding him all day? Looking back, he would come to regret the anger he felt, but in that moment, it was the only thing that made sense to him.

Ryan looked up at him. "Baby, what's wrong? I know that I've been a little distant today, but you seem so genuinely angry with me?" 

Shane could feel his heart tightening in his chest. Ryan sounded so hurt, and it was his fault. It was bad enough when Ryan was upset, and it was even worse when Shane himself was the cause of that. He looked away, not wanting to see the hurt expression on his boyfriend's face.

"Nothing," he said through a forced smile. He sheepishly looked around his surroundings and noticed that there were candles all over the living room and dining room and that there was a nice smell throughout the house. It also took until Ryan shoved the flowers he was holding into Shane's arms for him to realize that there were even flowers at all.

Through and through, Shane really felt like an asshole.

He stepped away from Ryan, awkwardly rubbing the palm that wasn't holding the flowers on his jeans. He could feel Ryan's gaze on him, but he didn't look. He couldn't make himself.

Shane took a seat in the kitchen. He was sitting at the island so that he was facing the oven as he watched Ryan fiddle with some more ingredients. He closed his eyes and watched as Ryan worked. "It smells good in here... What'd you make?"

Shane kept his eyes closed, allowing himself to bask in the aroma. He could practically hear the smile in Ryan's voice as he replied. "Prosciutto-wrapped chicken. Speaking of, it's almost finished." 

It got quiet after a couple of seconds, not even hearing the sound of Ryan's feet on the tiled ground. It was then that Shane opened his eyes, only to find that Ryan's face was only a couple of inches away from his own. A stupid little grin etched itself onto his mouth. "Hello," he whispered. 

Ryan leaned in closer and placed a slow, gentle kiss on Shane's lips. Ryan tasted like wine and his lips were among some of the softest things Shane had ever felt in his life. The kiss was slow, yet passionate. Full of emotion; the best kinds of kisses. Neither of them desperate or pressing for more, but also not wanting to end the kiss.

They only pulled away at the sound of the oven going off. That damn oven. Shane would be lying if he said he'd ever been mad at an oven before. Ryan groaned as he pulled away. "I guess I should get that, huh?"

Shane chuckled lowly. "I guess, unless you want the house to go up in flames?"

As Ryan opened the oven door, the smell of the chicken got even stronger and Shane's stomach rumbled. "Yeah, I don't particularly want to turn into another version of the Sodder children, but as an adult," Ryan said.

"What?"

"Huh?" Ryan hadn't seemed to know that he said anything, but after a second of thinking, his cheeks flushed. "O-oh, nothing. I just... in my free time I like to research unsolved cases and this one had the house go up in flames and the firemen took seven hours to get there and most of the kids were never seen again. Bad joke." He smiled nervously, holding the tray of chicken far away from his body, the oven door still open.

Shane stood up, rolling his eyes fondly. "That's nice, dork, but if you don't move and close the door soon, it really will become another case."

Ryan's face fell, realizing that that was, in fact, true and moved quickly. 

-

The dinner had gone smoothly, filled with little jokes and stories from their childhoods, not really needing to get to know the basics of each other. The food was good and gone in just a few minutes. They talked until the candle burned out. 

That was when they moved to the couch and put on a movie. Ryan curled up into Shane's side, his arm draped over Shane's stomach, resting his head on Shane's shoulder. Ryan was using his other hand to draw tiny shapes in Shane's thigh. 

"Thank you," Ryan said softly, voice full of tiredness. 

Shane hardly heard him, but when he did, he reached for the remote and hit pause. "For what?"

"Redoing the date. It was really nice."

Shane could feel his heart glowing as he listened to Ryan. "I had so much fun with you, Ry." He turned his head to the side and saw that Ryan was already looking at him. Ryan's lips looked so nice and kissable. Shane hardly felt himself leaning in as he pressed a kiss backed by emotion on Ryan's lips.

"I think it's the best first date I've ever had," Shane whispered after pulling back, resting his forehead against Ryan's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOWWWW OKAY IT'S BEEN LIKE FIVE MONTHS SINCE I LAST UPDATED I M SO SORRY   
> THIS CHAPTER WAS STARTED IN NOVEMBER BUT I KEPT NOT HAVING TIME OR ENERGY TO WRITE IT BUT NOW ITS 1 AM AND I FINALLY FINISHED IT AHFOABGO  
> I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT  
> I PROMISE I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT THIS  
> IN FACT, I HAVE THE REST OF THE STORY FULLY PLANNED OUT,, I JUST,,,,,,,,,, NEED TO WRITE IT AND IM STARTING LIKE A MILLION OTHER FICS AT ONCE ?? FOR ?? SOME REASON????  
> BUT I HOPE THIS WAS ACCEPTABLE???
> 
> follow my instagram: honeyvoichwang  
> twitter: honeyvoicehwang


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